Groundhog Day-ja Vu
February 2nd is Ground Hog Day. In Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, the local folk gather round for the bizarre celebration of yanking a groundhog named Phil from his hoggish abode and determining whether the lil’ f@#ker can see his shadow or not. If he does, legend has it that there will be six more weeks of winter. Yeah, and monkeys will fly from my fat Polish dupa.
Tradition is sometimes strange and this certainly is a wacky one. The people of this little western PA town get all worked up as they gather in Gobbler’s Knob, dancing, eating, and celebrating the existence of the pudgy little quadruped. The town has a little over 6,000 residents, yet a good 40,000 people have turned out for this yearly display of celestial prognostication. It’s pure fun and merriment, so what could be the possible harm in that?
Enter PETA, the self imposed animal rights group who perform asinine stunts to gain attention and take it upon themselves to throw buckets of blood on fur wearers while screaming the words “Murderer, murderer!” Seems that smack in the midst of the world’s outpouring of help towards the Haitian people, the sanctimonious psychos of animal land have decreed that it is a torturous act being committed by the holders of the Pennsylvania celebration, which dates all the way back to 1886. You see, they no longer want to exploit fattie Phil… and get this… are you ready… I swear to God, I ain’t making this up… they want the ‘real’ Phil replaced by a robot.
According to PETA executive vice president Tracy Reiman, an animatronic Phil “would attract new and curious tourists” to Punxsutawney’s annual event.
“Hey honey, ya think the robot’s gonna see his shadow this year? Yer not sure? You mean you don’t care? I understand.”
The fanatical folks of PETA have once again proved that they have bats in their collective belfry, which I would imagine are being harmed and may be replaced by robots as well. William Deeley, president of the groundhog club, said that the animal was “treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania”. What I’ve personally heard is that Phil is set up in a pretty swank little place to live and even rooms with a female hog to keep his loins in perfect working order. I hear he even has his own hoggy little humidor to enjoy his favorite smokes. No, really, that’s what I heard. Where did I get this info? I don’t know, are you questioning my journalistic sources? That’s not cool and you know I’m sworn not to reveal my source. The nerve.
Of course several channels on TV are running ‘Groundhog Day’, the Bill Murray film from 1993, where Pittsburgh weatherman, Phil Connor relives the same day of his life over and over and over until the powers of the universe determine that he get things right. I did a little web search and the movie’s writers 
and producers estimate that Connor spent maybe ten years or more repeating that same day in PA. If that were me, I would have found the nearest smokeshops and herfed until my friggin brains imploded. You could smoke twenty cigars in a day and wake up the next morning without your mouth tasting like a garbage dump fire. I actually just looked up a list of Cigar shops in the Keystone State and while none reside in Punxsutawney, some are close enough where you could hop in the weather van and get there before the blizzard sets in. I’d pack some sandwiches, grab a local broad or two that I tricked into thinking they sat next to me in high school English, and smoke premium cigars until Sonny and Cher sung ‘I Got You Babe’ one more time.
So, Happy Groundhog Day to you all and let’s hope the pudgy fur ball is shadow free again in the 2010.
Tommy Z
JR Cigars Blog With the Zman
February 1st, 2010 at 3:48 am
you know, i have an idea, why don’t we send all the peta people to the arctic to reason with the polar bears into not eating seals. we could kill 2 birds with one stone, so to speak. the polar bears would have something to eat and we would get rid of those asinine twits.
then the REAL peta, (people eating tasty animals) could step up. just goes to show that not eating meat stunts brain development.
February 1st, 2010 at 7:15 am
You mean PETA doesn’t stand for People Eating Tasty Animals????? If god had wanted me to be a vegetarian I would have been born a cow. Anyway I’d like to know how Phil is being harmed. I mean if he was in the wild he’d have to worry about every predator out there trying to eat his fat carcass. As it is, he is well protected, fed, has a better then the average ground hog burrow.
Anyway, on to some really important stuff. A friend of mine just returned for Russia and gave me a bottle of Russian brandy. Now I’m not a brandy connoisseur and I have no idea of the best type of cigar to partake with this drink. Any suggestions?
February 1st, 2010 at 7:36 am
Lou Says:
February 1st, 2010 at 7:15 am
Anyway, on to some really important stuff. A friend of mine just returned for Russia and gave me a bottle of Russian brandy. Now I’m not a brandy connoisseur and I have no idea of the best type of cigar to partake with this drink. Any suggestions?
My recommendation is to try most everything until you find what you like best with it. Variety is the spice of life. Or loook at it as gathering intelligence.
February 1st, 2010 at 7:38 am
I’d say any cigar that burns would go well.
February 1st, 2010 at 7:40 am
BTW, PETA sucks, and Bill Murray rocks! Groundhogs, I could take ‘em or leave ‘em.
If Phil sees his shadow, it’s a sign we’re entering another ice age, & Al Goreknob is full of crap.
February 1st, 2010 at 8:16 am
I respect PETA for SOME of what they stand for, but so much of it is ridiculous BS, it’s hard to take them seriously at all.
BTW, I saw a shirt a couple of years ago that said:
MEAT IS MURDER….
TASTY, TASTY MURDER…..
Laughed my butt off for the rest of the day.
February 1st, 2010 at 10:51 pm
Free Punxsutawney Phil!!
February 2nd, 2010 at 12:22 am
The redhead in the cage is kinda hot. Nice pic, Z.
The hog saw his shadow. Six more weeks of winter.
February 2nd, 2010 at 12:44 am
I suggested PeTA designate this as their official logo and for some reason they didn’t think that was such a great idea.
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1312/1285059543_4505dffa86.jpg
February 2nd, 2010 at 1:24 am
The sign on the cage should say, “KFC tortures little red heads.”
February 2nd, 2010 at 1:37 am
I’d like to use my tongue to torture a little red heads twat.
February 2nd, 2010 at 1:57 am
Fiend… I didn’t know you dug Carrot Top?
February 2nd, 2010 at 2:26 am
You licked his twat?
February 2nd, 2010 at 2:34 am
He HAS a twat?
February 2nd, 2010 at 2:37 am
Darren_in_Detroit Says:
February 2nd, 2010 at 12:22 am
The hog saw his shadow. Six more weeks of winter.
roadlizard7 Says:
February 1st, 2010 at 7:40 am
If Phil sees his shadow, it’s a sign we’re entering another ice age, & Al Goreknob is full of crap.
BTW, there’s the ultimate anti-Gore town located in Texas – Kilgore!
February 2nd, 2010 at 5:10 am
uhm, zman, can you point out ‘zackly where i busted your chops with my 1st post?
just wondering is all…
February 2nd, 2010 at 7:33 am
Are you crossing forums, you butthole?
How gauche.
February 2nd, 2010 at 8:01 am
i had heard that i had hurt your feelings, mullet boy. i was thinking about making ammends by sending you one of my super premium cigars if you could show me where, on this edition of this wonderfull bit of prose you wrote….
February 3rd, 2010 at 2:52 am
If a girl was a member of PETA would that mean she couldn’t give a blow job? I mean putting meat in her mouth would be morally wrong wouldn’t it?
February 3rd, 2010 at 5:10 am
There’s a song by a band called Deadeye Dick with the following line:
“She don’t eat meat, but she sure like the bone.”
February 3rd, 2010 at 5:47 am
This is turning ugly…
February 3rd, 2010 at 6:09 am
It turned a long time ago.
February 4th, 2010 at 2:14 am
Where Zman goes, ugliness follws.
February 4th, 2010 at 2:31 am
maduroman_wcp Says:
February 2nd, 2010 at 8:01 am
i had heard that i had hurt your feelings, mullet boy. i was thinking about making amends by sending you one of my super premium cigars if you could show me where, on this edition of this wonderfull bit of prose you wrote….
I’m not sure, but I think you almost surely hurt MY feelings. Maybe you could make it up to me…………somehow.
February 4th, 2010 at 3:04 am
Hope we’re not going back to the BJ conversation….
February 4th, 2010 at 4:56 am
Doesn’t anyone wonder what cigar the hog is tokin? Probably digs them earth tones.
February 5th, 2010 at 1:35 am
It’s a Cain Habano toro. Only the latest and best for Phil.
February 5th, 2010 at 1:37 am
roadlizard7 Says:
February 4th, 2010 at 2:31 am
maduroman_wcp Says:
February 2nd, 2010 at 8:01 am
i had heard that i had hurt your feelings, mullet boy. i was thinking about making amends by sending you one of my super premium cigars if you could show me where, on this edition of this wonderfull bit of prose you wrote….
I’m not sure, but I think you almost surely hurt MY feelings. Maybe you could make it up to me…………somehow.
Hawaiian Brian Says:
February 4th, 2010 at 3:04 am
Hope we’re not going back to the BJ conversation….
I was fishing for one of those super premium cigars from his stash.
February 5th, 2010 at 2:45 am
“I was fishing for one of those super premium cigars from his stash.”
Hey man, whatever you want to call it! LOL!