The Infantile Fan’s of Sport… Yep, That’s Me
Some might label us die-hard sports fans as passionate. We bleed our team’s colors. If you dare make fun of our teams, or one of our star players, we become ornery and engage in flame wars at our favorite internet chat site. We gloat with glee when victory is ours, making it difficult to sleep as we can’t contain our smiles, rolling back and forth in bed. We seethe with anger when 
we suffer defeat making it difficult to sleep as we can’t contain our displeasure, rolling back and forth in bed.
Yes some might label us as passionate, but I believe we’re really friggin idiots who act like dumb-ass children, while our happiness and will to live depends solely on how a bunch of multimillionaires in colorful uniforms perform in a game that truly has no bearing on our everyday lives. Come on, admit it people, the truth will set you free.
Yes, admittedly, I am one of those dumb-ass children. And there wasn’t a bigger moron child in the world last night after the New York Football Giants defeated the Dallas Cowboys, 33 – 30 on a last second, Lawrence Tynes field goal. I watched nervously as Eli Manning put on a masterful drive to bring the G-men the length of the field in the final minute. You’d have sworn I had a spot on the bench. As the kick went through the uprights, I screamed and jumped for joy, only to see that Dallas coach (and man with an obvious healthy appetite) Wade Phillips called a timeout at the last possible second, nullifying the kick. I was furious, swearing at the tv while throwing an empty bag of beef jerky around in a hissy-fit of rage. My kids thought I should calm down, but since they don’t speak ‘cement’, I didn’t hear a word they were saying. But, as the story goes, Tynes succeeded on his second attempt to bury the ball between the neon yellow posts, as justice was served and the universe was righted once more. And yes, I danced like a giddy fool, the dance of self-righteous victory, the dance of a jackass with little redeeming value. Praise Jesus.
There are a handful of teams in this world where if you are not there fan, then you hate them more than Satan, Osama, Bin Laden, and a three hour Back Street Boys tv special all in one. The New York Yankees have to be the number one hated team in the world, without question. Like I said, if you’re not a fan of the Bronx Bombers, then it’s a good bet that the disdain you have for them is rampant. The person who was single-handedly responsible for that hate was the Boss of the Evil Empire, himself, General George Steinbrenner – a man with an ego ten times the size of Rosie O’donnell’s lunch box, with grotesque temper tantrums to match. He owned shipyards and who knows what else (thanks to his daddy), and he had money to burn, spending ridiculous amounts on star players, turning the Yankees into a venerable all-star line up. Smaller markets could never compete as the team in pinstripes hoisted one championship after another, infuriating baseball fans around the world. Btw… nice move on Randy Johnson, Georgie…NOT.
But a close second on the list is without question, the mucho hated and despised Dallas Cowboys. When I grew up in north Jersey in the early to mid-seventies, more kids wore Cowboys hats and jackets than Giants gear. New York was a crap team for a number of years and listening to all the little braggarts talk of Roger Staubach made me insane. And to this day, 
attend a Giants or Jets home game and you won’t believe the number of brazen slugs decked out in their silver and blue Cow-garb. Very disturbing.
And the city of Dallas certainly has the NFL’s very own version of Mr. Steinbrenner, who goes by the name of Jerry Jones. Jones is disgustingly, filthy rich and much like George, has no patience for being on the losing end of the final score. Money is no object, and neither is attitude and conduct, apparently as JJ brought in the likes of Terrell Owens and Pacman Jones, a couple of highly talented athletes with the all the endearing qualities head lice on a man with no arms. Jones is often seen parading the sidelines during a game, yuking it up with the players, and taking credit for a Sunday afternoon victory.
The biggest testament to Mr. Jerry Jones herculean ego is the newly built, Cowboys Stadium. It is the modern marvel of the sporting world and no expense was spared in creating the palace in Dallas. Some facts… It is the largest domed stadium in the world, with a retractable roof and can seat up to 111,000 people. It also has the world’s largest video screen, hanging from 20 yard line to 20 yard line, weighing one million, two-hundred thousand pounds. And if you watched last night, he even has painted hotties called ‘cage dancers’ to entertain the pigskin loving throng. As they say, everything really is bigger in Texas. Oh… and the construction price of Jerry World, you ask?… One point three billion dollars. And Mr. Jones was there last night, celebrating the stadium’s inaugural match-up of his beloved Cowboys against MY beloved New York Giants. And just wouldn’t you know it, that the junior Manning and his boys in blue spoiled the grand opening party for jolly Jerry – jiggling tarts in cages and all – by beating his boys in the final seconds. Oh… and may I please add how bad Tony Romo really did suck with his 29.6 passing rating. Boo f’n hoo, Jerry. (God, I am such an ass, and it is uncontrollable.)
And I must say, hats off to the New York Jets, who took down the New England Patriots, yesterday. The Pats have become the NFL’s scourge over the past few seasons as they were caught illegally filming opposing team’s signals. Coach Bill Belechick scoffed at the NFL’s fines and penalties by running up the score in games against lesser opponents and not really giving a damn what anyone thought. And when they faced the NY Giants in the Super Bowl two seasons ago, the hate grew high for New England and it truly seemed that if you weren’t a Patriots fan, you became a Giants fan in that game. And gosh… we all remember how that one turned out…don’t we?
So today I bask, and in my head, I am a happy soul. I have already littered the web forums with my childish bragging and taunting of Cowgirl fans everywhere. (Oops, silly me, I just did it again.) And if you are a Dallas fan, you hate my guts with an evil fervor, and perhaps wish to smack my Polak punk-ass around at the very moment. But I’m okay with that. It’s all a part of our wacky world of being a die-hard sports fan. I have been on the receiving end of this bragging torture many, many times and I can honestly say it is so much better when your team kicks some ass.
I might just decide to grow up one day… but just not today.
Have a great week, peeps,
Tommy Z
JR Cigars Blog With the Zman
September 21st, 2009 at 1:52 am
ALL HAIL THE NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS’ GLORIOUS VICTORY LAST NIGHT OVER THE DICK LICKING COW WHORES IN THEIR BRAND NEW PILE OF CRAPOLA!!! WAY TO GO, JERKOFF JERRY JONES AND COMPANY!!!LMAO!!!!
September 21st, 2009 at 1:59 am
AND ELI MANNING LEAD YET ANOTHER 4th QUARTER COMEBACK!! HAIL ELI!!!
September 21st, 2009 at 2:02 am
Please, Garfiend, don’t hold back on our account. How do you ‘really’ feel?
September 21st, 2009 at 2:08 am
I FEEL GREAT THAT THE NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS RUINED THE WEEKEND FOR ALL OF THOSE THOUSANDS OF COW WHORE FANS WHO SPENT LAST NIGHT IN JERKOFF JERRY JONES’ BRAND NEW LOSERTORIUM, ZMAN!!!
September 21st, 2009 at 2:22 am
have dispised the cryboys since ol “i gots a shitload of money, screw you all” jones took over.
zman, this is my perfect football weekend, Green Bay, San Francisco, NY Giants and Colts all win,
oakland, dallas, chicago, minisota and new england loose.
i will cut you some slack for no boobies because i know you are overcome by joy and have probably been beating it since the final whistle last night…
and duckboy, it’s cry boys….
September 21st, 2009 at 2:30 am
cry boys is good, too
September 21st, 2009 at 3:03 am
Not so fast Maduro…the Colts didn’t win yet! We Fin fans have some hope.
September 21st, 2009 at 3:07 am
Down here, we just call ‘em what they are, Cow Patties. It’s love ‘em or hate ‘em. I personally detest and despise their filthy carcasses.
My Texans beat the Titans, who last week tied the defending World Champion Steelers, but lost on a coin flip. Yeah we got punked by the Jets, but the Jets also punked the Pats, so I don’t feel so bad about that loss any more.
And I have to agree with Fiend:ALL HAIL THE NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS’ GLORIOUS VICTORY LAST NIGHT OVER THE DICK LICKING COW WHORES IN THEIR BRAND NEW PILE OF CRAPOLA!!! WAY TO GO, JERKOFF JERRY JONES AND COMPANY!!!LMAO!!!!
The best part of the whole thing is they set a new record for attendance at a regular season game, and they played like shit and lost the game for all those mindless idiot fans.
September 21st, 2009 at 3:14 am
The NFL is the reason I am thankful for hockey season – GO WINGS!!! And we are holding our collective breath that the Tigers can hang on and win the Central Division.
Back to football…
The Palace in Dallas does look pretty d*mn cool, even if we all hate the Cowboys.
634 days since my beloved Lions won a game. 19 straight regular season losses since December 2007. What’s it like to have a NFL team that competes and wins games? Tell me, Uncle Z, tell me.
You coulda slapped a pic of a cheerleader on here today…just sayin’.
September 21st, 2009 at 3:17 am
For me Saturday was better then Sunday. Penn State beat Temple (duh) and Notre Dame beat MSU (another nail biter).
Sunday had only one bright spot with both the Eagles and Steelers losing, the only hope I had for a good day was if the Giants beat the Boys from Brokeback Mountain (yeah, we all know what went on during those long cattle drives). I only cheer for the Giants when the play Dallas and last night I was really hoping for a win in the first home game in the new $1.2 BILLION stadium (effing ridiculous). Some one should tell Money Bags Jones that stadiums don’t win games. I really think that the super expensive, bigger then anyone else’s stadium is really just to compensate for the diminutive size of something else.
September 21st, 2009 at 3:20 am
Darren, you asked for it, you get it. Even if Zman forgets:
http://nbcsports.msnbc.com/id/27068610/ns/sports-nfl/displaymode/1247/?beginSlide=1
September 21st, 2009 at 4:01 am
Darren, I’ll tell you the truth… it’s nice…really, really nice.
And, cheerleader pic posted in article just for you, buddy c.
September 21st, 2009 at 4:09 am
If you want to check out a couple of pretty Texas Cheerleaders that aren’t from the Cow Pies, here you go – The entire Texans squad.
http://www.houstontexans.com/cheerleaders/Squad.asp?SEASON_ID=80
September 21st, 2009 at 4:11 am
After that diatribe against Dallas, the only cheerleader pic you put is………
Zman you are really insane.
September 21st, 2009 at 4:13 am
RL7, why does there always seem to be a Brandi, Candi or Ashley on every cheer leading squad. Is it some sort of prerequisite??
September 21st, 2009 at 4:16 am
The JETS “embarrassed” the Patriots. I’ve been going to JETS games for about 12 years now, and I have NEVER (and I mean NEVER) heard it as loud as I did on Sunday.
Tommy probably heard the screaming at his house.
To have Brady get called for 4 delay of game penalties . . . .friggin’ awsome.
I was too wiped out to watch any of the Giants game, but anytime ANYONE beats the bitches from Texas, I am happy. ESPN radio on my way home had a diatribe about Jerry Jones, and the guy was going off the deep end, giving Jones and the Bitches all kinds of hell. Funny stuff.
It was a damn good Sunday.
September 21st, 2009 at 4:33 am
Fans said they hadn’t heard it that loud since Shea Stadium days.
And Lou – thank you, that’s a compliment in my book.
September 21st, 2009 at 4:43 am
Lou, it’s not mandatory, but it just so happens that those were the most popular girls’ names about 20-25 years ago, when most of these cheerleaders were born.
Way back when we were kids, there was probably always a Suzie, Nancy, or Kathy or something like that on a squad.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:05 am
don’t forget bambi and bunny….
September 21st, 2009 at 7:34 am
Lou says: “RL7, why does there always seem to be a Brandi, Candi or Ashley on every cheer leading squad. Is it some sort of prerequisite??”
it’s like strippers… they have to take on “cute” cheerleader names, that’s my guess.
On the Today show Friday morning, they were touring Cowboy stadium in all its sickening extravagance, made me even more proud to love the Packers… freakin’ old stadium with nothing resembling a roof protecting players and fans from the elements… and despite subzero windchills, the fans still pack it to the gills… including the Bikini Girls
September 21st, 2009 at 10:11 am
Football is meant to be played in the elements not under a dome.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Nice link, Lou! That’s what I’m talking about! And thank you Z, for the cheerleader pic. I’ve always maintained that the Lions organization will continue to blow due to the Curse Of Having No Cheerleaders. They never have. Until they get some scantily clad cheerleaders, they will be destined for their losing ways.
You guys can rip on a dome all you want. I’ve been to way too many football games where I got wet and froze my azz off. Tailgating outside before is fine, but it ain’t bad going inside to the climate controlled world of the dome. FWIW, the new domed stadiums are a helluva lot nicer looking (Ford Field, JerryWorld, Lucas Oil Field, etc.) than the old cribs (Silverdome, SuperDome, RCA Field, etc.). I’ll give ya Lambeau Field, but nostalgia and romanticizing aside, its not fun when you can’t feel your fingers and toes due to freezing temps.
September 21st, 2009 at 10:58 pm
Madman -
Finally something we AGREE on! Jerry Jones is the biggest POS in professional sports. That includes humongous POSes like T.O. As I’ve said here before, Jerry Jones earned my eternal hatred and scorn the day he fired Coach Tom Landry, disrespecting the game and an icon of the game by having him learn that he’d lost his job BY READING ABOUT IT IN THE NEWSPAPER!!! Screw Jerry Jones for all eternity. He’s a huge POS and he will burn in hell.
The new stadium is gorgeous. Too bad the POS has anything to do w/ it.
Zman -
Grammar review mandatory. There/their/they’re. Holy bejezus… LOL
September 21st, 2009 at 11:16 pm
Cotty, if you read fast enough, sometimes Zman’s grammatical missteps just slide on by you. Especially his homonymical confusion.
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:50 am
Yeah, but…
LOL – it NEVER gets old! For me anyway. I mean, c’mon – when you make your living – feed your family – by writing… LMAO!!! It just never fails to strike my funnybone.
My absolute favorite among many favorites is thinking back to Zman positively RAILING against “ineptness”. Fugger was ranting and raving about how “ineptness” sends him into a tizzy. There’s nothing in this world more fun that busting balls on a guy like Z over being hypocritical. Hypocrisy is always extremely fertile ground for ball busting! Best there is, in fact.
Two words:
YOUR
AN
IDIOT!
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:20 am
Nobody’s mentioned the apostrophe in the word “fans” yet?
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:58 am
LMAO!
I missed that one, HBrian. It’s not the first time Z’s screwed up the friggin’ title!
I have concluded the guy holding the sign is in fact Z.
http://www.jrcigarblogs.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/6a00d83454ca6669e200e54f33d9bc8833-640wi.jpg
September 22nd, 2009 at 3:41 am
I love the roadside vegetable vendors. I’ve seen sign selling “peach’s,” and peachs.
That helped me understand why the average TV commercial is aimed at a 3rd to 4th grade level intellect. Because most people aren’t “smarter than a 5th grader.”
September 22nd, 2009 at 3:43 am
Hmm… Who new peach’s wuz a vegitabul!
September 22nd, 2009 at 6:26 am
The Detroit Lions need cheerleaders?
Hmmm . . .
Lions are cats.
Cheerleaders are girls.
Would that make the Cheerleaders the Detroit Pussies?
September 22nd, 2009 at 6:26 am
Packer cheerleaders come from the wisconsin college system, current college students, that’s why they don’t look like hookers.
September 23rd, 2009 at 12:35 am
What’s wrong with hookers?
September 23rd, 2009 at 5:33 am
didn’t say there was anything wrong with them, but sometimes a feller needs sweet an wholesome.
the warden has a pair of fk me shoes that, on the top, look like the catholic school girl shoe she used to wear….. now if she will just get a plaid skirt to go with it…..
September 24th, 2009 at 1:25 am
Zman,
If you were still in the ad business this is the type of ad I would expect from you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tkB264wZZk
September 24th, 2009 at 3:45 am
Nice Lou!
Just picked up a bottle of Dalwhinnie. A buddy of mine had some on the last camping trip we went on, and since I am heading out to do a monster hike/camping trip on Tongue Mountain (yep, let the jokes begin), I thought to return the favor.
I intend on some 98 RYJ and ribeyes after the walk.
Good times, Good times.
Maybe by the time I get back on Sunday, my JETS will be 3-0.
September 24th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Good one, Lou. Along the same line, can’t forget this classic from a few years ago:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ytMx7irm-c
September 25th, 2009 at 12:48 am
BB, excellent choice on the Dalwhinnie. Keep in mind that it is a very light bodied scotch, so don’t smoke anything that will over power it. The RYJ’s should be a pretty good choice, and ribeyes are good anytime.
September 27th, 2009 at 10:39 am
3-0
3-0
1-2 (the streak has been broken!!!!)
September 27th, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Giants 3-0!
My beloved Lions have broke the 19-game losing streak!!!
September 27th, 2009 at 10:38 pm
Jets beat the Saints in the Super Bowl! Preview next week!
Boise State up to #5 in the polls! Houston Cougars (arch enemies of my beloved Rice Owls) are up to #12 after a marathon victory over Texas tech.
September 28th, 2009 at 2:56 am
Yo Z.
Are you still hungover from the Giant Bashing that you haven’t written today? 2:33 on Monday. . . .
September 28th, 2009 at 3:09 am
it’s sad when the viewers of a blog seem to give more of a crap about it than the author does
September 28th, 2009 at 3:18 am
+1 what ‘Fiend says.
Where is today’s blog??? 2:fitty-five PM in the East…