Mindless, Yet Somewhat Stimulating…
So, with a full week on my hands between postings, a lot of thoughts and imagery rattles through my cerebellum on a continual basis. And the main quest is to solve the quandary of entertaining you fine readers of this now weekly offering. So, here’s some of the G.I.G.O. that I have produced for your amusement and pleasure…
Some British broad put together a study on various health related info for women, and get this – she claims that more than 200 orgasms a year can reduce your physiological age by six years. I figure, due to the accessibility of internet porn sites, by all accounts, I should look like I’m three.
A mom in Kansas City had a great idea for her 14 year-old kid’s birthday party. Clowns? Balloons? Chuckee Cheese? Hell no… mom held a vodka chugging party. Yeah, 43-year-old Karen Christine Downs and 25-year-old Kelsee Guest face felony child-endangerment charges as they offered up $10 to the kiddies to see who could chug shots of the Russian firewater the fastest. The two kooky mixed-up moms told kids at the party NOT to tell their parents, and can you believe word actually got out? Unbelievable how kids just can’t keep a secret these days. But I have to ask…just how badly would you beat the living snot outta those two bitches if your kids were at that party? Whiffles wrapped in duct tape. That’s all I have to say about that. Okay, graphite composite Easton bats might be more fitting.
You know, I don’t know what the hell is with Jenny McCarthy. She sends me an autographed photo of herself with a note, telling me how hot she is for me and that Polish cigar bloggers get her incredibly randy. I texted her several times, telling her to cut it out, I mean, come on, I’m married and I told her that men married for 21 years get all the sex they can handle from their wives. This broad just doesn’t get it. Some people are crazy.
SCHIP. Go ahead, say it. Say the dirty, stinking, evil, whorey word. Say it with all the animosity you can muster, my cigar smoking brethren. Ask Pelosi and the Hildebeast just how many kids abuse premium cigars. Ask them why the tobacco industry has been forced to grab its ankles and scream out, “Thank you Sir, may I have another?” Ask them why they don’t care that many thousands will lose their jobs. Ask them that when they finally eradicate smoking in their fascist Neo-Nazi wave of terror, how will they replace the billions and billions of dollars in tax revenues the tobacco companies bring to America? Go ahead, ask ‘em, I dare ya. I double dare ya.
BTW… ever actually swing a gleaming yellow Whiffle ensconced in sticky silver wrapping paper? It’s a whole lot more fun than ya might think. Just sayin’.
Now just who the hell are They? You know, the “They” in “They oughtta do something about the homeless” or “They gotta stop frying those burgers my kids scarf down”, or “They really should do something about people who abuse the Clapper.” Not for nothin’, but I personally think “They” suck a whole lot. Just my two cents.
Playboy cover model Brande Roderick and professional golfer Natalie Gulbis are both contestants on the current Celebrity Apprentice television show. Now I swear to God, they don’t mean a thing to me and I purely watch to see how the Donald’s shag weave looks each week.
I was hanging around between games of my son’s hockey tournament this weekend, and with several hours to kill, I was in need of a smoke and had no stogies with me. The only store around was a Walgreens where I knew I would only find a cavalcade of dog excrement. Much to my surprise, for $2.29 I buy a Honduran made maduro figurado called Blender’s Gold and the goddamned thing wasn’t bad at all. It had a nice wrapper leaf, burned great, had a solid white ash, and tasted pretty decent. Forget surprised, I was shocked. From what I gather, it’s some private label made for Walgreens. Guys, if I took the label off and gave it to you to try, you’d be just as shocked as I was.
And finally, this just in… Al Gore’s head is still made of corrugated board, Japanese scientists say. And as you can imagine, they took lots of pictures.
Have a swell rest of the week, my peeps,
Tommy Z.
JR Cigars Blog With the Zman
April 6th, 2009 at 6:16 am
Holy Crap! 7am, boboies, and hotties!
Z-man — you are my hero!!!
April 6th, 2009 at 8:32 am
Guys… You bitch that I post late… you bitch that I don’t post boobies… you bitch that my posts are droll and dreary – then I post at 12:04 am, show some hootage, and make it all fun and shit – and it’s 9am and all of you turds are dormant.
Sheesh!
April 6th, 2009 at 8:36 am
Sheesh, I say…sheesh.
April 6th, 2009 at 9:12 am
THAT is one helluva blog Z.
I saw McCarthy on fox News Saturday morning….. holy crap. I fell in love with her when I was in junior high and will be in love with her until the day I day.
Better makes ure Vodkamom stays away from Ocotomom (did you hear she’s getting her own reality show??)
Natlie Gulbis:
http://www.intotherough.co.uk/assets/_files/images/sep_08/itr__1221325607_natalie-gulbis-big1.jpg
April 6th, 2009 at 9:24 am
Speaking of Natalie Gulbis, I really like this pic of the hot little vixen.
http://www.golfblogger.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/a141.jpg
And Zman, if you have a problem w/ Jenny McCarthy, I’ll tell her I’m Polish and write on a cigar blog, and take that problem off your hands.
BTW, for some of us, your 9:00 is earlier. It’s 8:00 for me, 6:00 for Cotty (no daylight savings time in Arizona, and 3:00 AM for Hawaiian Brian!!! It’s also Monday morning, and we’re all hung over, so quit yer bitchin’.
April 6th, 2009 at 9:27 am
rl7- What an awsome final round of golf yesterday! Who did you follow? Did you see the playoff hole?
April 6th, 2009 at 9:36 am
“cerebellum”?????? Where did you learn that word let alone use it in the correct context????
Watching the morning talking heads yesterday. There was a rep from the AMA on discussing the SCHIP. He actually made the comment that the new tax will do 2 things: cause more people to stop smoking and raise funds for children’s health care. Doesn’t this idiot realize you can’t have it both ways? Oh wait, he’s probably a democrat.
Man, the ladies of golf have sure gotten better looking in the past few years. I think we ought to have a little contest to see which sport has the hottest female players.
April 6th, 2009 at 9:40 am
We didn’t follow anybody. We stayed at or near the Champions Pavilion which was adjacent to the middle of the 18th fairway Drank lots of beer, and when anyone good came by, we walked out right in front of us and saw where their drives landed, and then watched where their approach shots went. We definitely watched the playoff hole. Not very good golf, but conditions were vicious. often I had to turn my cap around backwards to keep it from blowing off. Another 5 MPH of wind and it would have been unplayable. So staying put, we got to see most everybody we wanted to.
April 6th, 2009 at 9:45 am
I don’t know which sport has the hottest female PLAYERS, but golf tournaments definitely draw the hottest chicks. And with temperatures around 80, they weren’t wearing a lot of clothing.
April 6th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Swimming??
Amanda Beard
http://www.clevelandleader.com/files/amanda_beard_bikini_3_big.jpg
April 6th, 2009 at 10:09 am
GhD and DiD — did you guys get any of that snow?
April 6th, 2009 at 10:13 am
you posted your blog too early today, Zman
April 6th, 2009 at 10:14 am
It’s still coming down. My co-worker’s wife just sent him a picture of their kids at home (on Spring break) with a snow man wearing an MSU t-shirt that they made this morning called “Spring Break 2009″.
I played golf in 50 degrees and sunshine on Saturday!
April 6th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Brande Roderick makes me sweaty.
April 6th, 2009 at 10:29 am
ok…I am sorry to tell you I won’t be able to access this blog anymore in a near future, since I’m too young to access the site…after a litfetime of shared and/or self imposed big O’s, I am 4 years old and too young for cigar related websites !
I’ll miss ya’ll.
Hey ! Wait a minute ! If I do not come here on a daily basis AND I do not see Zman’s lovely face..maybe I’ll reduce my rythme and, who knows? I’ll gainback all the actual years ?
OK..I MIGHT be back soon… we’ll see ….
Nice blog today though…very nice Zman !
April 6th, 2009 at 10:38 am
LucIE said:
“after a litfetime of… self imposed big O’s,”
my “O” my
April 6th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Not a bad site for Monday morning:
http://www.foxnews.com/photoessay/0,4644,6586,00.html
April 6th, 2009 at 11:10 am
Saturday had it’s high’s and low’s for me. We did a 6 hour seminar with a coach from MSU. After the seminar we went to a local sports hangout to watch the NCAA Final Four MSU surprised UCONN, but Villanova couldn’t make a 3 point shot to save their lives and were trounced by UNC. We were trying to figure out which college had the hottest chearleaders though.
April 6th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Carolina, definitely on the hottest cheerleaders.
April 6th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
lucie, i have so many self imposed ones that my hand gets mad when i have one with my wife…
okay, zman, you made a nice recovery from the last buncha shty ones…
i will grant you a 8.5 because you have boobies…
April 6th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Maduroman is our very own Perez Hilton.
April 6th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
RL7, I think our consensus was the same. UNC definitely has some hot chearleaders. As to the hottest mom of any of the players, did you see Tyler Hansbrough’s mom in the stands. Now that’s one hot blond.
April 6th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Come on Lou, where’s the picture!
April 6th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Big Os? I got a set of Big Os on my Honda Accord back in 1993.
Hey, thanks for the defense, rl7! If I’m ever the first poster on this board, it means the rest of you guys are slackin’!
April 6th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
GHD you’d have to watch the game video. They showed her a couple of times.
April 6th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
A vodka chugging contest, huh? Friggin’ brilliant. I’ve heard of college frat houses gettin’ in trouble for similar stupidity, which has sometimes resulted in the DEATH of their pledges. Can you imagine how easy it would be to kill a 14 yr. old that has likely ZERO tolerance for alcohol, plus a puny body weight to boot? A wiffle bat is too good for those fuggin’ morons. Give ‘em a lobotomy and wings and let ‘em flit around all night at the lightbulb on the porch until they land on it and sizzle a slow, agonizing death.
Zman – you gotta give us a few weeks to adjust to you posting this thing in a more reasonable time frame! I mean, it’s only been a frickin’ YEAR of you posting the damned blog sometime mid-afternoon, and you expect us to respond IMMEDIATELY?? Now I ask you this – how many posts do you think you’d have to today’s blog if you hadn’t posted it yet? Exactly. You see my point.
Oh – and ‘fiend, I *MUST* say…
Good one!!! LMAO!!!! LMAO!!!!!
April 6th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
“CottyGee Says:
April 6th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
A vodka chugging contest, huh? Friggin’ brilliant. I’ve heard of college frat houses gettin’ in trouble for similar stupidity, which has sometimes resulted in the DEATH of their pledges. Can you imagine how easy it would be to kill a 14 yr. old that has likely ZERO tolerance for alcohol, plus a puny body weight to boot? A wiffle bat is too good for those fuggin’ morons. Give ‘em a lobotomy ”
I think they’ve already had the lobotomy. If it had been one of my kids, they’d wish I’d use a whiffle bat.
April 6th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Good blog, Z. You are ramping back up to pre-once-a-week-status.
Chick golf was on the TV in the ManCave over the weekend. Times have changed. No longer were there manly looking wimmin swinging the stix, but rather some very hot ladies! One was dressed completely in pink. Most nice!
Yep, it snowed here. I cleaned 4 inches of snow off the car this morning. This weather better improve by Friday. I’ll be going down for the Tigers home opener.
Although I am a die-hard Michigan Wolverine, I must admit that the MSU Sparty’s seem destined to win it all. Its been crazy downtown here. People everywhere. Should be a good game tonight! Go Sparty! Win it for Detroit, East Lansing, Michigan and the Big Ten!
April 6th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
WOOHOO! Just scored a free pass to the game tonight!
April 6th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
Have fun GHD!!! Gonna be some couches a-burnin’ if Sparty wins!!! Bars will be packed. You might as well get hammered and call in sick tomorrow!
April 6th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
If I knew you would start wring like this Z-Man, I would have retired long ago. Good blog. Should get better during the week since Fiend can’t boycot this one!
April 6th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
I like your thinking DiD!
April 6th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Actually, Hawaiian Brian, if Zman actually posted at 12:04 AM, you could easily have been the first poster, since you were surely still up at that time last night.
But I’ll cut you some slack, because who on earth thought Zman would have it up then? We were hoping by 12:02 pm today, just after noon.
He musta been either bored or inspired after surfing the porn sites last night.
April 6th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
zman Says:
Guys… it’s 9am and all of you turds are dormant.
Actually, I prefer my turds dormant. As a matter of fact, if I ever look and see them crawling all around, I’m gonna be pretty freaked out!
April 6th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
LOL, rl7! Ditto on the crawling turds!
April 7th, 2009 at 6:03 am
Nice promo to the website Tommy! You musta impressed the hell out of him.
April 7th, 2009 at 8:15 am
my boycott of this blog remains in place, Brian W
April 7th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Fiend is all for anything to do with boys.
April 7th, 2009 at 9:03 am
So Fiend wants you to post man-boobs?
April 7th, 2009 at 9:54 am
I wonder if GHD is brutally hungover after his excusion to the NCAA Championship last night. Those Tar Heels whipped the Sparty’s but good. Not many of my MSU coworkers talking today.
April 7th, 2009 at 10:00 am
Speaking from experience, making it to the championship and getting your ass kicked is a monster let down. My son had a major hockey tournament this weekend. They won 5 in a row and got smoked in th final game, 10-1. The other team brought in 6 ringers who hadn’t played for them all year, including a goalie from a Bantam Triple A team.
April 7th, 2009 at 10:06 am
On the bright side, my son, who is a defensive defenseman, played BY FAR the best hockey of his life. The team is mostly 15 year olds, so he’s a year younger, but was an absolute standout in the tournament. But he’s very demoralized that the other team “cheated” taking away our shot at a championship.
Ya live and learn, and I was bursting with pride as the parents were calling out his name all weekend.
April 7th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Ahhh I do have a bit of the Labatt Blue Belly Ache, but I am at work, sitting at my desk, and fighting to keep my eyes open.
A disappointing display by our Spartans last night but man-oh-man, the energy in Ford Field was AWESOME. I don’t know how it sounded on TV but it was LOUD! We were up above most of the noise, I can’t imagine how loud it was down on the court.
I arrived in Greektown around 5:30 and had to do some elbow-rubbing with the President of that, Vice President if this, and Director of whatever until 8:30 or so at the GEM Theater. Then went across the street, plopped down in the chair and didn’t move until 10 minutes to go in the 2nd. Made the cold walk back to Greektown and joined the tail-lights streaming out of the city. ACtually made good time and was home by around 12:15 and then fell asleep on the couch watching Baseball Tonight.
April 7th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Geesh. And all I did was four loads of laundry and watch half a movie.
April 7th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
quiet today
April 7th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Countdown to The Masters… Woo-hoo !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April 7th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
very quiet today.
too quiet today.
somebody say something.
April 7th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
I can’t beleive the final round of the Masters is on Easter. I’m not sure whose fault that is, the PGA or the Easter bunny.
It will now be near impossible for me to see any of Sunday’s golf.
PS: I had my first Rocky Patel over the weekend, it was quite good.
April 7th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
GHD, my new favorite cigar is the Rocky Patel Edge lite. The original edge is one of the strongest cigars made, with a Corojo wrapper. Stand up very slowly after smoking one, after a big meal.
However, the Edge lite has a Connecticut wrapper over the same inner blend, and while it’s got a good bit of oomph, it’s smoother, but with excellent complexity. I have a bunch of both the torpedoes and toros. I stocked up heavily before SCHIT (oops I meant SCHIP) went into effect.
BTW, SCHIT stands for Stupid Children’s Health Insurance Taxation!
April 8th, 2009 at 8:56 am
RL7, one of my favorite cigars is the Rocky Patel Edge Battalion maduro. It has a really nice oily wrapper and it is very robust.
April 8th, 2009 at 9:50 am
I’m just not a Maduro fan. The only 2 I’ve ever cared for are Gispert Maduro, and the CAO Sopranos. Otherwise, I just don’t seem to like the taste of ‘em. But every once in a while, I’ll try a new one, to see if I can find another one I like. No luck so far.
April 8th, 2009 at 11:11 am
I am also not a Maduro fan.
I love Gisperts, though. (Not the maduro variety.)
And I have been wanting to try a Rocky Patel, I just haven’t had the opportunity. Maybe this weekend . . . .
April 8th, 2009 at 11:43 am
I like the ‘90 churchill with morning coffee
April 8th, 2009 at 11:56 am
I had a Rocky P Sun Grown last weekend. Very nice. I’ve got two bundles of the RP R4’s in one of the humidors. I’m letting them sit until mid-summer.
Its still been too cold and snowy to break out the normal sized ‘gars, so I’ve been smoking Punch London Clubs (maduro), 5 x 40.
April 8th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
I like maduros just fine. Some of my favorites are the J R Ults in oscuro.
still boycotting, btw
April 8th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Hey fiend,
We had boobies, a fairly upbeat subject, and even a little talk of cigars. Why the continuing boycott? Is it a weekly vs. daily thing?
We do, however, appreciate the continuing appearances telling us you’re still boycotting. Otherwise, we might not notice.
April 8th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
This one had me rolling on the floor:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30112394/
April 9th, 2009 at 9:04 am
Awesome article Lou.
I came across this in my email this morning.
My Dear Friends and Family,
Many of you don’t know it, but I have been very busy over the last two years putting my thoughts and ideas together in a book. I am very proud of the results and to assist with the marketing, I am asking friends and family to help me out. I believe my new book on GOLF gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my years of struggle and experience. I’m hopeful you find this a useful tool to help you enjoy your game that much more as you enjoy the great outdoors.
The cost is only $9.95 and can be ordered by simply replying to this email. Don’t wait until they’re all gone.
Chapter 1 – How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt.
Chapter 2 – How to Hit a Nike from the Rough, when you Hit a Titleist from the tee.
Chapter 3 – How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a bunker.
Chapter 4 – How to Get More Distance off the Shank.
Chapter 5 – When to Give the Ranger the Finger.
Chapter 6 – Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings.
Chapter 7 – When to Implement Handicap Management.
Chapter 8 – Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m.
Chapter 9 – How to Rationalize a 6 Hour Round.
Chapter 10 – When Does A Divot become classified as Sod.
Chapter 11 – How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the water.
Chapter 12 – Why your Spouse Doesn’t Care That You Birdied the 5th.
Chapter 13 – Using Curse words Creatively to Control Ball Flight.
Chapter 14 – When to Let a Foursome Play thru Your Twosome.
Chapter 15 – How to Relax When You Are Hitting five off the Tee.
Chapter 16 – When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent.
Chapter 17 – God and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three Putt.
Chapter 18 – When to Re-grip Your Ball Retriever.
Chapter 19 – Throwing Your Clubs: An Effective Stress-Reduction Technique.
Chapter 20 – Can You Purchase a Better Golf Game?
Chapter 21 – Why Male Golfers Will Pay $5.00 a Beer from the Cart Girl and give her a $3 tip , but will balk at $4.50 at the 19th hole and stiff the Bartender.
Thanking you in advance for your order.
April 9th, 2009 at 9:41 am
roadlizard7 Says:
April 8th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Hey fiend,
We had boobies, a fairly upbeat subject, and even a little talk of cigars. Why the continuing boycott? Is it a weekly vs. daily thing?
To tell you the truth, I’ve forgotten why I started to boycott this blog. But I must have had very good reasons to do so and until things change, I will continue to not contribute here in any meaningful way.
April 9th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Oh, you mean like since day one.
April 9th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Says you!!!!!
April 9th, 2009 at 10:21 am
GHD wrote… “Chapter 8 – Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m.”
We need excerpts from this chaper ASAP!
April 9th, 2009 at 10:36 am
GHD… Rationalizing a 6 hour round is easy when playing behind a Japanese foursome. I once had an eight hour round behind an outing full of Tojo’s finest. Drank three beers and smoked a cigar while waiting between every hole.
April 9th, 2009 at 10:36 am
“what?? I thought it was milk…”
April 9th, 2009 at 10:39 am
8 hours??? you should have played right through them!
“sowy, no speke engish”
April 9th, 2009 at 11:09 am
Awfully hard to play through 8 foursomes.
April 9th, 2009 at 11:48 am
ohhhh i read that wrong.
at least you had good reason to drink and smoke.
April 9th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
The way I play golf, it’s always a good reason to drink and smoke.
I don’t think that book can help my game any. I get out about 3 or 4 times a year and don’t seem to see much improvement from the first to last game.
April 9th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Eight foursomes!? Man, and I’m still waiting for my first threesome!
April 10th, 2009 at 6:44 am
GOLF?
I hate golf. I lose balls. I get drunk. I usually have to find a way home. I have a blast while I am out there, but I hate that I am no good.
April 10th, 2009 at 6:47 am
I have tried yet another single malt.
I purchased an Islay last night — McClelland’s single malt. A bit rough for my nieve tastes (I like the DoubleWood much better), but I will struggle through it this weekend (in Ohio) with my brother and father.
I do like the peaty taste, but this one has a bite at the end that I am not accostumed to. (Actually, as I sat here and wrote this, my grandmother just walked in to the room and asked me if I was having a drink already this morning. My response — What? Is there a problem with that?)
Yeah, I am in Ohio. I made the 8 hour trip yesterday with my three daughters (left the wifey at home . . . ) I anticipate some beer drinking, some cigar/pipe smoking, and some good laughs this weekend!
April 10th, 2009 at 6:57 am
Grandma is just mad you didn’t pour her any!
April 10th, 2009 at 9:16 am
OK, what’s up? Is JR going out of business? First they cut Z to one day a week (OK, that reduced pollution) but now the auction is going away? There’s only a few items and they’re all goin to be gone in a day.
April 10th, 2009 at 11:40 am
Actually, GHD, you are probably not too far from the truth!!!
D-F — I’ve been suspecting that the auction (and probably Dutch Auction) would go by the wayside sooner than later. It was only a matter of time with some of the prices certain items were going for.
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