It’s human nature that the more someone tells a man not do something that he’ll do it even more. And the more someone tries to take away something from you, you want it – crave it even more.

Cigar smoking. It’s one of the most enjoyable pastimes I have ever experienced in my life. Yeah, yeah, they say it’s not good for you – who ever the hell “they” might be. But please tell me what exactly is good for you? Okay, spinach is good for you…right? Popeye kicked some serious Blutonian ass when he ate his spinach. It’s a dark green veggie loaded with vitamins and cancer fighting antioxidants. But did you know that spinach is highly acidic and throws off the ph balance of acid and alkaline in your body? So guess what? Too much spinach is no good for you. How’s that, Dr. Ozfest? You need to eat spinach in moderation.

Okay, before I lose you, let’s get back to the fact that nothing is then really good for you. Definitely too much of something is never good. Anything taken to excess isn’t wise. Moderation has always been prudent. So how about smoking cigars in moderation? Yeah, yeah, risk of disease, yada, yada, yada. Breathe city air or drink the water and the list of fatal contaminants dwarfs that of the impurities in a cigar. Damn, I mean a cigar is a natural grown product with no chemical additives. And they smell damned nice, don’t they? Okay, don’t ask my wife that.

I have read over and over that many physicians feel that the relaxation that the act of smoking brings a person, far outweighs the possible physical dangers, when done in moderation. I believe that. But the question is: What is moderation? All right…there’s no scientific data or concrete evidence, but I do know that Sigmund Freud, Thomas Edison, JP Morgan, Milton Berle, Groucho Marx, George Burns, Rudyard Kipling, and Winston Churchill smoked between ten to twenty cigars a day, and all of those dudes lived to be very old sons of bitches. Yeah, they must have stunk like a garbage fire, but they all lived to ripe old ages and had very productive lives might I add.

I love cigar smoking and chances are that if you’re reading this, then you have fallen in love with it too. Kipling’s poem The Betrothed is about him choosing between his precious Habanas and the women he so loved. It was no contest, as the smokes from the Isle de Cuba won, hands down. In all my years I have never seen such passion as the unmitigated love that the cigar smoker has for his tobacco happy sticks. And this is why we are defiant to those who want to limit us, tax us, and take away the adult pleasure that we have fallen head over heels for. This is why we get all pissy when the smoke Nazis raise their evil “I know what’s best for you” heads. We don’t like to be “told” not to do something that we love, and god damn you if you dare try to take it away.

What’s my point in all of this? Well, it’s kind of an interesting post today as I had no clue of what to write and did the “stream of consciousness” thing. I literally just put my hands in front of the keyboard and let the fingers fly. I actually wanted to talk about that daredevil driving, Tiger Woods. When I heard that his mishap was not alcohol related, I told my wife that the only other possible thing that could cause the dude to act with such bizarre and erratic behavior, is that he had to get in a fight with his hot blonde Swedish honey. And of course, now the rumors are flying about Woods and another woman. Just goes to prove that no matter how gorgeous a woman might be, a guy always wants to tap something else. Remember, don’t tell a man he can’t have something. So then I ask, wouldn’t a little extra curricular nookie – in moderation – be good for a guy? Hey, I won’t argue… but what would one consider moderation?

Okay, I just opened up a can of worms, Pandora’s Box, and stirred a big pile of Shinola all in one fell swoop. I think the lesson in all of this is: Don’t f@#k with my cigars. I’m damned serious. They’re better than sex for many of us and have replaced that one-time physical activity in our lives. Kipling had it right. And I think Tiger’s onto something. All right, it’s a small spinach salad for me with a Honduran appetizer and a Nicaraguan maduro for dessert. Although I do admit the Swedish meatballs sound pretty inviting.

What in the hell did I just write? Don’t ask. Just shut up and light your cigar.

Tommy Z.

JR CIGARS Blog With the ZMan

It’s hard to explain, but there is something incredibly primordial about making a fire. The ritual dates back to the dawn of man and even though the Cromagnons didn’t have chiminea’s and Duraflame starter logs, not a whole lot has really changed over the course of a million years.

Last night I was called by the wild to start a fire in the small metal pit I have on my back patio. There are woods 30 feet from the side of my house so finding adequate firewood takes all of five minutes. My 14 year-old son officially has his man card, and loves to trudge through the foliage and find logs and kindling for the blaze. And damn, he loves starting the fire as well. I’m pretty sure I was exactly the same at his age, except we didn’t have laser lighters back then. I think all men are really pyromaniacs at heart.

I taught my little dude (who is my height already) how to build a pyramid with the smaller sticks and I have him trained well as I can’t even get near the thing, now. So as he began to stoke up the flames, I cracked open a bottle of Balvenie Double Wood and of course you knew that it was accompanied by a great cigar. And great this stogie was, the new Frank Llaneza 1961. Guys… I kid you not… this cigar is spectacular. The Sumatra wrapper is a dark chocolate brown, oily and supple, and the construction is flawless. Definitely a woody and cedary smoke that I’d say is in the medium bodied range, but builds as you smoke the bastid. Just so delicious and enjoyable.

Let me ask, what in the name of our maker is more relaxing than sitting in front of a roaring blaze with a good drink, a great cigar and the kid that you love with all of your heart? As I sat there staring into the darting, colorful flames, I had one of those feelings come over me where I was thankful for all I had and so glad to be alive. As I sat back in my chair, my kid would poke the burning wood with amazing intent. Every few minutes he’d turn his head back to get my nod of approval, as I would just grunt like a cave creature and motion with my hand to go get more wood. He’d run into the woods, come out with a new batch a few minutes later and continue to tend to his creation.

But like all kids his age, the text messages were coming in at rapid pace and it was time to leave dad alone to finish off his cigar as the once roaring blaze dwindled into a magical pile of glowing red embers. What a solemn feeling and so wonderfully mesmerizing to stare at and if I could just go to sleep right there without freezing to death, I certainly would.

You know, I don’t do that enough, and the time is now, up here in North Jersey, before it gets too damned cold. Damn… I believe tonight is another fine time for a fire. Who’s coming over to join me?

Have a great week, my peeps and smoke ‘em cuz ya gottem.

Tommy Z.

JR Cigars Blog With the Zman

If you live in an area where the seasons change, then you are experiencing the awesomeness of autumn at this very moment. Here in north Jersey, the weather is cool and crisp, leaves have hit the turf, and football dominates the airwaves. I LOVE smoking a cigar outside this time of year. Staring at the orange, red, and yellow foliage while puffing a fine premium handrolled stogie is so relaxing and something I really look forward to. The Fall season is also an amazing time for great food, especially with the holidays around the corner. But for some reason, maybe because there’s a chill in the air, hot comfort foods are so goddamned enjoyable right about now.

What exactly is the definition of comfort food? Wictionary.org says…

1. Certain foods that people associate with their formative years, or with “home”; frequently simple home-cooked style food, and often the staple of diners and other informal restaurants.

2. Food that one eats to feel comfort or alleviate stress rather than to receive nutrition.

Webster’s Online Dictionary says:

1. Food prepared in a traditional style having a usually nostalgic or sentimental appeal.

I think the bottom line is, just like time spent with a good cigar, comfort foods offer a form of unexplainable mental relaxation. When I was a kid, my mom made a macaroni and cheese casserole that was so awesome, (and so fattening) that every time I eat Mac & cheese today, I really do get a sense of nostalgia that comes over me. Then it’s usually followed by a bout of gas that could knock the horn off of a charging rhino, but that happens with just about anything I shove down my pie hole. As mentioned in the above definition, comfort foods aren’t usually the healthiest for the physical body, but much like cigars, they offer heartfelt nutrition for the soul.

Even though we’re dealing with foods that are traditional to the U.S., where you live or your ethnic background does certainly bring about different dishes that are close to the heart. If you live in New England, a clam chowder gives you warmth, but in the southeast, there’s nothing like a basket of crispy fried chicken. If you grew up in an Italian family, then macaroni and meatballs (with gravy, here in Jersey) is your go-to meal. So I made a list of some of my favorites, and did a little internet research as well, of some true comfort foods that we all might agree on, no matter what part of America you’re from. Of course you guys will need to get all-nostalgic and throw in some of your homegrown faves. (WARNING: I put together an offering that would make all of us give Monty Python’s Mr. Creosote a good run for the money.) Hey, there’s no right or wrong answer here, it’s just a bunch of wonderful food that makes you feel oh so good inside.

Some Main dishes…

Meatloaf – A lot of people rank on the loaf, but to me it’s an amazing standby in the comfort food category. There’s a lot of ways to prepare it: breadcrumbs or onion soup mix, spinach, with tomato sauce, or even bacon wrapped (damn straight.) You can add ground veal, pork, or make a turkey meatloaf. And what better to throw a few hunks on some crusty French or Italian bread for tomorrow’s lunch? I’ll eat the whole damned thing like a bat out of hell!

Macaroni & Cheese – Again, there’s a million ways to make this American classic, but my daughter does one with cheese soup and crispy baked breadcrumbs on top. It’s 12 million calories and impossible to stop eating. I’ve seen restaurants that offer five cheese casseroles with crumbled bacon, and it even comes with your very own defibrillator.

Chicken Soup – Thick noodles, big chunks of tender chicken breast and fresh veggies in a savory broth. Thank you, grandma!

Chili – Although it’s known as a southwest favorite, a hot bowl of chili definitely soothes the soul. And it’s another dish you can make so many ways and add so many toppings like onion, shredded cheddar, sour cream, and hot sauce. Spicy or mild, it’s a homerun at any party, especially Super Bowl Sunday.

Side Dishes…

Potato Salad – I freakin’ LOVE traditional tater salad with mayonnaise, onion and celery, and a little pickle, and I especially like it when it’s still a little warm. It can almost work as a side to any meal, and is the staple of the American barbecue! But do me a favor, will ya? Please don’t go sticking weird stuff in there like apples, cranberries, and walnuts. That’s way too much culture for a pungent slob like me.

Green Bean Casserole – This classic is usually something you only have around the holidays, but that’s what makes it so special. Fresh green beans, mushroom soup, and those crispy fried onion thingies on the top is just so damned special.

Mashed Potatoes -  Fluffy, creamy, buttery and drowned in gravy if you wish. It’s a scoop of heaven on a plate.

Corn on the Cob – I make mine on the grill and the flavor is simply amazing. A little butter and garlic salt and those goddamned cobs don’t stand a chance.

Desserts…

Warm Apple Pie – Thick, flakey crust and the smell of warm cinnamon. Being from New Jersey I will NEVER even remotely get the “hunk of cheddar cheese” thing, but add a scoop of vanilla ice cream and even a Bernie Madoff could forget all his worries and cares.

Brownies – I always feel like I’m ten years old when I eat brownies. Yes, I like mine with fudge icing on top, please.

Chocolate Chip Cookies – Fresh from the oven, all gooey, hot, and waiting for that ice-cold glass of moo juice! Yessuh!

Other timeless classics… A great comfort food lunch is a hot bowl of cream of tomato soup with a grilled cheese, tomato, and bacon sandwich. You know, if you add bacon to just about anything, it tastes a whole lot better. It just could be the ultimate comfort food enhancer! I think hotdogs on the grill definitely have that nostalgic effect, as does a juicy, beefy cheeseburger. Stuffed cabbage reminds me of being a kid as does a fresh baked, chicken pot pie. And of course, a bowl of rich, sweet, creamy ice cream with your favorite toppings can even make the movie 2012 seem like a Disney flick!

Okay… If you’re not starving by now, please check your pulse because you are no doubt deceased. This is the time of year for good smokes and good foods so let’s hear some of your personal faves, in each of the comforting food categories!

Have a great week, you fat bastid,

Tommy Z.

JR Cigars Blog With the Zman

You don’t tug on Superman’s cape

You don’t spit into the wind

You don’t pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger

And you don’t mess around with Jim

- Jim Croce

Well, you also don’t “F” with the most recognizable icon in the history of mankind, either.

In an article last week in the New York Times, it was revealed that the Walt Disney Company is going to give their coveted mouse a modernized facelift. They feel that today’s Pixar, Dreamworks, Nickelodeon kiddies are simply not in love with the high-pitched rodent that you and I grew up on. The Mickster’s five billion dollar a year merchandise sales is dwindling, as only 20 percent of that number comes from the United States. So the answer: an edgier, more modernized Mick.

Say guys… anybody remember…  NEW COKE? Just thought I’d ask.

Junction Point is a Disney-owned game developer that is creating a new video game, entitled, Epic Mickey, and it will be the first time we see our protagonist in a newer light. “Holy cow, the opportunity to mess with one of the most recognizable icons on Planet Earth,” said Warren Spector, Junction Point creative director.

“This is a huge opportunity to create more relevancy for Mickey and pull him into the fastest-growing entertainment medium,” claims Jim Wilson, CEO of Atari’s North America. “If it’s a good game — and given the strength of the developer and I.P., the likelihood of that is high — people are going to buy it.”

“I wanted him to be able to be naughty — when you’re playing as Mickey you can misbehave and even be a little selfish,” Junction Point’s, Spector said.

I don’t know about you guys, but to me, this could be like all those things that Mr. Croce mentioned in his song. Disney really has to think this thing through like nothing they’ve ever attempted before. People love that damned rat, and too much messing will cause a revolt to the likes we have never really witnessed in American pop culture.

If we go back to the 1920’s when the Mick was created, Disney originally portrayed him as a mischievous little pain in the ass with a penchant for causing a stir. Over the years the mouse became more wholesome and loving, and a symbol of Americana and apple pie.

New York brand consultant firm, Mr. Youth’s, Matt Britton commented, “There’s a distinct risk of alienating your core consumer when you tweak a sacred character, but at this point it’s a risk they have to take.”

But, I personally think there’s a safe way out of this mess, where Mickey Mouse can move into 2010 and identify with absolutely everyone on God’s green earth. The answer…

Mickey goes Politically Correct!

The media will simply love P.C. Mickey and try with everything they’ve got to ensure that we all embrace him as well. And just how does WDC pull this off? Pretty simple, actually…

Going P.C. means we appeal to the masses where nobody gets mad, nobody gets hurt, nobody gets offended, and everything is just honkey f@#king dorey, 24/7… just like in the real everyday world! Therefore we will have to have a myriad of Mickeys… a Caucasian Mickey, an African American Mickey, a Hispanic Mickey, an Asian Mickey, and a gay Mickey who hang around with each other wherever they go! Wow, Zman, that is goddamned brilliant! A Mickey for everyone!

Of course we’ll have to introduce a bevy of new pals not to leave anyone out, including a handicapped Mickey (sorry, I meant physically challenged), a midget Mickey, (jeez, I mean little person Mickey) an American Indian Mickey (the son of a casino owner,) an emo Mickey (who the others constantly encourage not to cut himself,) an obese Mickey, an addicted Mickey, a trans-gender Mickey, a severely depressed Mickey, multiple personality disorder Mickey, enlarged prostate Mickey, a peanut allergy Mickey, an “in da Hood” Mickey, an erectile dysfuction Mickey, an overactive bladder Mickey, and most definitely an earth friendly green Al Gore Mickey. I guess we’ll need a Smoke Nazi Mickey while we’re at it.

I think it’s about time that the world’s most revered cartoon icon go the route of society as a whole, don’t you? The story lines will be wonderful as no one ever gets in trouble, there’s no arguing, they all get along amazingly swell, and when they play sports, there are no winners or losers as every game ends in a tie! It’s PC Mickey, people! Like our American leader says: CHANGE IS GOOD!

Welcome to the new Magic Kingdom!

Have a nice week, y’all…

Tommy Z.

JR CIGARS Blog With the Zman

This past Friday, as I was purchasing bags of sugar-laden crapola for the local kinder, when a friend of my wife was in the candy aisle in the A&P, and said that Halloween was her favorite holiday. I looked at her (mainly because she’s a stinkin’ hot milf) and said that Halloween is NOT a holiday. Of course she begged to differ (as I wish she begged for something other than a differ), and I emphatically told her that it is NOT a recognized U.S. holiday. Then we got in an argument (as I blew any chance of scoring in the parking lot) and I acted like an indignant idiot. Yes, I realize that I am a hopeless moron, what but it runs in my gene pool and there seems to be no cure.

No one gets off from their place of employment on Halloween – not even gravediggers or funeral directors. The banks and post offices aren’t closed and even friggin union people have to work. So she gets all snippy (god, she is so freakin’ hot when she’s snippy) and claims that on Wikipedia it refers to Halloween as a holiday. (She tussles her head around in semi-circles as her hair gets all messy in her face and it really gets to me. But I had an argument to win, so I had to concentrate on something other than her most extreme bodacious cougarness.)

“Listen to me,” I said in my authoritative I’m a goddamned writer and I know this kind of shit’ voice, “If unions don’t get off from work, then it ain’t a holiday. A holiday means schools are closed, and you usually are required to drink beer and barbeque something.”

“Why are you getting all mad,” she asked, as she was more clearly more agitated than I was, and that was driving me wacky as my feeble brain started creating scenarios of her trick or treating in a French maid outfit and me as the demented butler.

“I’m not mad,” (yes I was) “I just keep hearing people refer to this as a holiday. A holiday is where you observe something. What do you observe on Halloween… monsters, dead people, and goddamned ghosts?”

Ms. Hottie friend just let out a disgruntled sounding “harrumph!,” said “bye” and went to another register that just opened. Wow, I am a first-class bonehead. First off, I’m married and shouldn’t be hitting on my wife’s friends. Well, I wasn’t really hitting on her – only in my mind – but according to a woman, that seems to count. Secondly, she’s really a super nice gal and I was kind of rude. And third, she’s got a huge rack and that should actually supersede anything and everything. But my rock-headed Polack ego got in the way, ruining any chance of a trick or treat rendezvous (there I go again and I don’t think that even God or counseling can help.)

So the moment I get home, I race to the computer and head to Wikipedia. It’s say that…

Halloween (also spelled Hallowe’en) is an annual holiday celebrated on October 31. It has roots in the CelticSamhain and the Christian holy day of All Saints, but is today largely a secular celebration. festival of

Halloween activities include trick-or-treating, wearing costumes and attending costume parties, carving jack-o’-lanterns, ghost tours, bonfires, visiting haunted attractions, pranks, telling scary stories, and watching horror films.

Then I looked up the word ‘holiday,’ and that said…

Official or unofficial observances of religious, national, or cultural significance, often accompanied by celebrations or festivities.

Hmmm… Official or ‘unofficial’ observances. Wow… maybe I was out of line the way I acted to my wife’s friend (no, not the part where I pictured her in a leather cat suit), I mean being all argumentative and stuff. Okay, I started feeling pretty bad, I mean any one that nice (don’t forget the rack) should receive a real apology. So I called up her house and her husband answered. I was like, “Hey Bill, how are you doing?”

“Good, Z, my wife said you were a total asshole in the A&P before,” he said without missing a beat.

“Yes I was,” I admitted, but didn’t let on to the cat suit, thingy. “Is she there, I called to apologize.”

“Apologize?! What the hell for?” he blurted out! “Once you do that, you show weakness, and once a lioness smells weakness she’ll go in for the kill. Tommy, I actually agreed with YOU and now she’s not talking to me!”

Whoa, the lioness going in for the kill. The brain started conjuring those images again, but I guess that was kind of disrespectful with her husband on the other end of the phone, don’t you think? … Nah.

“Damn, Billy, I’m sorry, bro. Didn’t mean to cause this kind of an ordeal,” (other than violate the woman you are married to, but remember, it’s only in my mind.)

“Forget it Zman, that woman will always find something to be mad about.” he assured me. “How about you come over and we’ll smoke some cigars I just picked up at JR and we’ll kill a bottle of 18 year old scotch.”

“Awesome Bro,” I said in my excited, ‘I’m gonna smoke a cigar and get hammered’ voice. “But I have to ask… is your wife gonna be there?”

“NO, thank God! She’s out until later.

“Damn… um, I mean, damn straight!”

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The CIGARS We Smoked…Troya Classico Robustos. Just phenomenal and I can’t get enough of them!

These Cuban-style Nicaraguan puros are expertly blended by José Pepin Garcia using only perfectly aged 100% Cuban seed tobaccos grown in the Jalapa Valley, genuine Corojo binders and dark, oily Corojo oscuro wrappers. The result is a spicy, robust and complex smoke with hints of earthy sweetness- all the while maintaining the smooth, balanced and satisfying taste that Troya cigars are known for.

CLICK & Check ‘em out! > TROYA CLASSICO NICARAGUAN ROBUSTO