The other day I talked about the ten things you NEVER say to a guy – written by of course a chick without a friggin clue because of one major detail…SHE THINKS LIKE A CHICK!

Well, today I have the list of TEN Things that WE WISH (oh a tall wish indeed) women would say to us. Wow, would we all have a better world to live in…

#1 – What time is the football game on?
“I only ask, honey, because I’ll take some of the yard work off your hands – and then I’ll go out for a while – umm, probably giving you enough time until the post game show over. Oh yeah, chili is on the stove and cold beer is in the fridge. And I hope the Giants tear Dallas a new ass!”

#2 – Would You Mind If My Two Smoking Hot Divorced Friends, Sandy and Kelly Come Over and Have Some Drinks With Us Tonight?
“Honey, it would be such thoughtful thing to do. Those two have been so lonely and do they ever need companionship. Hey, we can break out that vodka that gets you drunker than hell. I don’t remember a thing from the last time we drank that stuff. Plus they have got to be the sexiest women I know with kids – especially after the boob jobs. Please, baby, I’ll make it up to you.”

#3 – Damn It Babe, When the Hell Was the Last Time You Golfed?
“I can’t remember the last time you played a good round with your buddies. What the hell, Man, I didn’t buy you those Pings so you could just do work all the time. And I don’t give a shit what a weekend round costs – your sanctity of mind is what’s important. Oh by the way…here’s a few Montecristos. Those should last you through the day.

#4 – I Bought the Kids Movie Tickets for Tonight So We Can Crawl in the Hot Tub and Hump
“You cool with that?”

#5 – I Know the Economy Sucks and All, but God Dayum, You Would Look So Hot Driving a New Corvette!
You know honey, maybe it’s time I started showing you off a little. I mean I know I take you for granted sometimes and I couldn’t be luckier to have you as a husband. Just go to Chevy’s website and check out the 2009 Vette page. If I have to take a part-time job to help with the financing – well, it’s the least I can do.”

#6 – Do You Mind If We Watch Some Porn Tonight?
“Reality TV just sucks lately and I know how much you love those Cougar on Cougar scenes. Btw, there’s a large can of whipped cream in the fridge that I just picked up from Costco.”

#7 – You Know How I Told You That You Don’t Play Enough Golf?…
Well you sure as hell don’t play enough POKER, either. I mean really… when was the last time to you and your pals had a killer evening of Hold ‘Em? Tell you what, I’ll pick up a few cases, make a load of sandwiches, and wait up until you’re stinkin’ drunk.”

#8 – If I was bi-sexual, which of my friends would you like to see me with?
“Now I’m not saying that it’s gonna happen, but could you just do me a favor and let me know your opinion on this one? And don’t be shy about it.”

#9 – You Know – Call Me Crazy, But We REALLY Should Turn the Spare Bedroom Into a Walk-In Humidor.
“I know, where will our guests sleep? But, your cigars CAN’T be getting the right humidity just stuffed in all of those little boxes you’ve got them in. Come on – be practical here. You’ve spent a lot of money on all those things – especially the Cubans and the Anniversarios – and the last thing you want is for them to go to shit. I already looked on line and it’s not too hard to do, plus that cedar smell is intoxicating. Use your head, here.”

#10 – All Right – We’ll Compromise…
“We’ll divide the room in half…Half will be a walk-in humidor and the other half will be a man-cave for watching sports and smoking all those friggin stogies. The flat screen and surround sound is a given…but do you think a pool table will fit? You’re Okay with this…right? I know it’s kind of selfish on my part, but I love when you crawl into the sack all stinking like a JR Ultimate Maduro.”

Wow…if there truly is a God, this will happen some day. One day, we will all be Kings again.

Until tomorrow,

Tommy Z.

JR Cigars Blog With the Zman