…But, Same Old Goon Behind the Keyboard

Nice, huh? A little more streamline & modern for my outstanding peeps of the blogosphere. It’s a nice facelift as well as new software with much better functionality for a guy who knows nothing about html code, but is quite adept at inhaling stogies and scratching the most unsightly of places in public display. I can even post photos …whoopee… as you get to see me in my t-shirt with Cocoa Puff stains and my holier than thou boxers. I’d bet ya’d like to see that, huh? OK, one vote from Quebec

The only real difference for you is that you’ll have to register and log in, in order to comment (on the right hand side.) The old registration doesn’t apply to this new blog software – but it’s stupid easy so please do, or I can’t hear from you’re ugly mug.

Now I always Google my name to see what trash people are saying about me. In fact Googling yourself is a fun and safe little hobby, not the dirty and perverse thing you might think. I mean the term does sound like a masterbatorial crankfest gone awry. I say the key is just not to think about it. But this morning I Googled my name under the Images section and while a few photos of the Zman showed, there are pictures of people that have nothing in the world to do with me and I don’t understand why they appear when you type in my name.

OK, there’s this suave shot of me at the XM Studio in Manhattan when I did my radio show. That’s cool. But then there’s this egg-head (Tom Eggley to be exact, who happened to pass away) and a picture of Bush with a couple of camel jockeys in full head-wrap regalia. WTF? I never really understood why weird crap that doesn’t relate shows up to your search. And it’s the same with articles, too. But I’m not really complaining, as Google has by far changed the way we find information for the better.

As a writer, Google is an absolutely amazing tool that has cut the time of research to a tenth of what it used to be – or less. You used to have to go to the library and look up newspaper and magazine articles on microfilm or find a large library with a media section. God that was a pain in the ass. I couldn’t possibly write a daily blog without all the information I could need being online and at my fat little fingertips. I’ll actually have several browsers open at once with Google on one, Dictionary.com on another, Wikipedia on another, and hotplayfulcougarmoms.com open and ready for whenever I need a quick pick me up.

Remember as a kid in grade school, using encyclopedias for crissakes?! Holy god, did Google and the internet put friggin’ Britannica out of business. I actually used to love pouring through those big clunky-ass books to see pictures of rockets ships, erupting volcanoes, and the 1961 Stanley Cup Champion, Chicago Black Hawks. Now my 13 year-old son is on My-Space for hours, goofy-ass You-tube videos (with his dumb-ass dad actually on a few), and I have found a few tittie shots when searching the history on his computer, recently. That’s my boy. (And dad has enjoyed his little collection of Meagan Fox downloads – yummo.) But the horrible inherent shame of such a great invention is that I have to check that his friends aren’t making bombs, hording guns for an attack, or making sure no child predator is having conversations with my kid. Welcome to the 21st goddamned century, folks. Ain’t it a peach?

What’s kind of funny, is when the kids come over and say something like, “Dad, what’s this mortgage crisis thing about?… how big is the north slope of Alaska for drilling oil?…how did President Bush F up the country so friggin bad?” The answer is now always, “Look it up!” And they know what that means. But it’s also so useful for the mundane as well, meaning you don’t have to watch Sports Center for an hour where a click of the mouse gives you every NFL score in seconds. Or you don’t have to listen to the blowhard, highly overpaid, dipshit weatherman tell you that it “might” rain sometime in the next month when Weather.com is much more timely and accurate. And I am thoroughly enjoying my folder full of jpegs with Sarah Palin’s head Photoshopped onto scantily clad and nekid bodies, which I use for personal exploration.

Gosh, I am so glad that Albert A. Goreknob invented the internet. I mean without AL, pornography wouldn’t have blossomed into a hundred billion-dollar industry. Way to go you geothermal fat-head. And now I can even Google myself to my hearts delight.

Well, hope you enjoy the new blog…really, same as the old blog – just a bit purtier. Hopefully you don’t think of it as putting lipstick on a pig, but rather liken it to a fresh new set of undies with firm elastic that doesn’t allow your boys to flop out at the most un-opportunistic moments.

Yeah, I don’t even understand my self at times.

And thanx for all the contributors as we set a record last Thursday and Friday with 123 and 84 posted comments respectively. I all I have say is thank you – and, don’t you friggin people have anything better to do with your lives?

Happy Monday People,

Tommy Z,

JR Cigars Blog With the Zman