Doctors Find Fish in Boy’s Penis: TRUE – Yeah, egads is what I sad, too, as I grabbed my private spot. He was some villager kid from some 3rd world hole and was holding this little fish near his winky when taking a whiz. The thing wriggled free and went for the worm and doctors had to remove it using a painful process (I’m grimacing just writing this.) Lesson to us all: Never hold any living creature near your johnson – unless it’s Pam Anderson.

So that’s the real poop. I have to go pee now, but I’ll keep the fish in the fridge, thank you.

Pam Anderson Donates Bra to Science… Doctors Find Fish in Boy’s Penis… Heavy Metal Music Drives Teen to  Maim Circus Animal… Woman Pops Out Kid on Flight to Australia… Rosie Odonnell Hurt in Freak Hackey Sack Incident…Apple’s Steve Jobs Parks in Handicapped Spots…Polish Blogger Shares Cure for Embarrassing Itch… Mackenzie Phillips Busted at Airport… Doctors find link between Taco Bell Menu Item and Msysterious Rash… OJ and Girlfriend Attacked by His Daughter… Joey Chestnut Attempts to Eat Real Dog in Ten Minutes…007 Actor Beat On Pregnant wife…Dr. Phil Is an Asshole…Jessica Simpson Seeks Restraining Order Against entire Philadelphia Eagles Franchise – Including Players, Coaches, and All Fans… Church Goer Hands Over 3 Million dollar Winning Lottery Ticket to His Pastor… GWB Worried Russian Troops May Invade Atlanta Next… Polish Sausage, It’s the Other White Meat…George Clooney Says He Wishes He Could Give Birth… Man Passes 7 foot Tape Worm After Eating Bad Sushi… David Blaine Locks Himself In truck stop Denny’s Bathroom for Seven Days… Obama Takes Different Strokes Star Gary Coleman’s Advice on the Presidency…

I hate to inform you goons, but half of these are actually real and half are fake. And the funny thing is, they all sound like they could be real and they all sound like they could be fake. For years, the National Enquirer’s Publisher, Mike Walker has appeared on the Howard Stern Show and made the cast guess which of the four different stories he read were phony. But after reading today’s news sites, I couldn’t believe the crappola I was reading that was said to be true.

My thoughts…

After seeing the Tommy and Pam video of year’s back, I think Ms. Anderson could teach us all a lot… The fish that likes weenies, huh? Sounds like a real amphibious weasel to me… I listened to Ozzy and never tried to off my parents, although I did slaughter a lot of goats in the woods back in grade school – it was a phase… Having a kid on a 20 hour flight is so inconsiderate. I would sue the mom AND the little bastid for interrupting the movie… Rosie is just way too fat for a dangerous and skilled game such as Hackey sack. She should sick to buffet diving…Steve Jobs should be beaten by cripples with rotten apples… The hand is always the self cure – just don’t take that impulsive whiff…Hey Mackenzie, take it One day at a Time ya old skank… I once kept a Chalupa in my boxers for three days and I did feel a tad chaffed… Hey OJ – ya still relentlessly looking for the killer? Whatta humanitarian… If anybody can do it, Joey Chestnut can. Something tells me this won’t be a PETA sanctioned event… James Bond shook his wife, and swears he did not stir her… You going to even remotely argue with the Dr. Phil, thing?… Jessica is afraid of birds. She’s also contacted her lawyer about the Cardinals, Falcons, and Seahawks. Wanted to know if a 49er was a sexual position…You win a 3 million dollar scratch off and hand it to your church? Holy-shit, dude… You really going to question the George Bush thing, too?… A hot kielbasa keeps the ladies satisfied – I know I read that somewhere… Actually George Clooney and Brad Pitt both made the same statement at a press conference… The only thing even remotely positive about the 7-foot tape worm is – thank god it wasn’t 8 feet… When Chris Angel heard the news about Blaine, he announce that he’s going to wear sunglasses with pictures of Ellen Degeneres taped to the inside of the lenses for a week. People – don’t try this t home…and finally, few know that Obama was a huge Different Stokes fan and repeatedly said at the convention, “What chu talikn’ bout, Biden?”

So, go ahead – make your comments and try to guess which are real. I dare ya… I f@#kin’ double dare ya. Bet I catch ya on a few.

Answers coming tomorrow… and don’t be a fish weenie and look ‘em up…have some spontaneous fun in your dreary god damned life for once!

Later ya goofs, and I mean that with love and respect,
Tommy Z.
JR Cigars Blog With the Zman

Meet Alex Rodriguez – the wealthiest – and worst clutch player in baseball.

You don’t have to be a baseball fan or follow the Majors to appreciate the plight of this prolific ball player. The man is truly an amazing athlete, and is predicted to break Barry Bonds all-time homerun record. His numbers are phenomenal, no question about that – 3 American League MVP’s 2 Gold Gloves, and led the league in homers 5 different times. Many have called him the best player in the game – but to that I say FEH!

His nicknames haven’t been to kind while playing in the Big apple: A-Fraud, A-Bum, E-Rod, etc, and there’s a good reason for it. The highest paid player in the history of the game just flat out sucks when the pressure is on and when his team needs him most. I kid you not, when it’s a big game or runners in scoring position, it seems that Rodriguez never comes through.

Case in point: Last night. The Yankees are desperately struggling to make a wild card playoff spot and are currently in a series with their nemesis, the Boston Red Sox, who are ahead of them in the AL East. On a night when they needed their biggest gun to fire, he once again proved that with the pressure on, he is a massively overpaid, major league dud. Alex Rodriguez went 0 for 5 with two strikeouts, and hit into two double plays, one of them with the bases loaded. He also committed an error, flied out with two men on, and whiffed like a dog to end the game. A-Rot (that one’s all mine, thank you) is one for ten with bases loaded this season and has hit into nine double plays in the past 19 games which of course comes at a time when they are making an attempt at a playoff run.

Why is this guy so amazing when it doesn’t mean anything, but implodes like a puppy in a microwave when the going gets tough? Who can really say, but the dude has never won a World Series and his lifetime post-season batting average is a paltry .279. When you’re paid 25 million dollars a year, you can’t have a playoff average so…so, average – especially when the name Steinbrenner is the signature on your paycheck. How long before Cranky-Hanky blows a gasket and publically brow beats A-Rank into ground up Chalupa? And God knows that the Bronx faithful have been brutal on the man. Last night the boos cascaded down upon his head and afterwards told the media he deserved to be booed. Jeez, ya think?

New York fans are knowledgeable and live and die for their teams. And when the fabled New York Yankees make a typical “over-the-top” signing of an athlete, that guy had better god damned friggin deliver. Mark Messier was signed by the NY Rangers in 1991 and promised to deliver a Stanley Cup to NY in 3 years – which is exactly what he did. Plaxico Burress came to the Giants and was very vocal about what he would bring to NY and how the Steelers misused his talents. Anybody remember that catch in the corner end zone last February 2nd? And in the early 90’s the Mets signed major talents like Keith Hernandez and Gary Carter and in 1986 won an unforgettable world championship.

New York fans and the media will continue to be brutal on Alex Rodriguez as he flat out chokes in the big situations and does not earn his keep. And get this…I figured it out and the guy makes $177,000 per game and $48,000 per at bat. Yeah, holy crap is right. With one appearance at the plate he makes more than many Americans bring home in a single year. It’s obscene for sure, but if excelled when needed and brought the Yankees another WS ring, the fans wouldn’t say boo – you know, like they do each night right now.

After yesterday’s loss to Boston, Johnny Damon said Alex had a bad night and called him the “best player in the game.” Hey Damon, you are massively full of Shinola, pal – all the way up to the top of your pinstripes. Mr. Rodriguez is bar none, the worst clutch player in baseball.

Have a Swell Middle of the Week,
Tommy Z.
JR Cigars Blog With the Zman

Something that I’ve asked over and over during the past year is: “When has Political correctness gone TOO far?” PC shows up everywhere in our everyday lives and it is a bad thing – a very bad thing. Government, people and their special interest groups want so many individual rights that pretty soon, NO ONE will have any rights. It’s been said by some that this topic is passé and I’ve been beating a dead horse, and I even took some flack for my XM radio show for laboring about it. There is NO WAY that I agree with that – especially with the smoke Nazis trying to destroy the cigar smoker’s way of life – I will continue to flog away at that equine beast and pummel his saddle-bagging ass. So what that this topic has been talked about in the past! I could give a rat’s ass because the PC disease is so rampant in our society that we have to point it out and expose it for the venomous blood-sucker that it is.

War, AIDS, and poverty are spoken of constantly and many good people are trying to do something about it. Well, I feel the same about political correctness – it is a doctrine that is truly eroding the freedom to do and be whatever you want – just as our forefathers intended it so. PLEASE – for crissakes – Do not try to save me from myself.

One of the latest examples of big bro trying to save us are possible restrictions in advertising and marketing against snack food companies. Much like the regulations on cigarette advertising, there are those in our government SO concerned with childhood obesity in America that they want to limit the marketing of chip-makers and cookie bakers. In an article in yesterday’s Advertising Age Online, it was quoted as stating: “congressional Democrats have frequently complained about such ads — and have warned about the potential of advertising regulation if marketers don’t act.” While I don’t necessarily prescribe to it being of Liberal or Conservative doing, I will state quite clearly that THIS IS the classic PC response – don’t go to the root of the problem, just eliminate and eradicate so everyone is safe from any harm, whatsoever.

You’ll have to agree with me on the absurdity of this notion. I’d like to know WTF happens to a person’s brain when they enter into a lifetime in politics? Where does one’s sensibilities go and how do they get so f’d up and corroded so quickly? Because snack foods have higher fat and sugar contents, and proclaimed a leading cause in our nation of fat-ass kids – you’re telling me that the answer is for government to step in and restrict a corporation’s right to advertise their product? Holy good God above, that is ludicrous and Communist thinking of the highest order. If it’s deemed “bad” then exterminate it like the vermin it said to be! Holy crap, people! This kind of shit is straight out of George Orwell’s book and it’s getting more frightening by the day. 

The question I ALWAYS have is “Where does it end and how far does it go?” Who gets lumped into this category… chip manufacturers, cookies, cakes, candy? Do you stop there? Is soda next, sugar laden fruit drinks, ice teas, Gatorade? Of course then there is McD’s and BK and on an on and on. Where do you draw the line? Who is exempt and who is not…and better yet… who makes that decision? This is a MASSIVE Pandora’s Box and a cluster-f@#k of gargantuan proportions waiting to happen. Do the Keebler Elves carry a warning label on the side of their Toll-House cookies: WARNING – Voluntary ingestion of this product may cause your kid to be a fat little son of a bitch.

The absurdity is screaming to the loudest mountaintop yet these politico jackasses look for the easy way out. First off it is up to parents to teach their children about morals of right and wrong, good hygiene, safety practices in life, sexual orientations, God or religion, and in this case proper diet and eating. Having snacks and sweets in moderation is a good thing, it satisfies the human condition and makes people happy – yet the PC brigade would rather eradicate with one fell swoop and place the onus and blame on the food makers? How bizarrely psychotic. How mentally f’ing twisted.

Don’t kid yourself, guys – this “sick” way of thinking is born from the evil soul of political correctness and must NOT be allowed to breed and take root in our society. If these kind of measures become acceptable, then free enterprise as we know it will become extinct and we’ll all be wearing gray suits with bald heads listening to some dude on a huge video screen.

Again I say – where does it start and where does it end? A simple and VERY WRONG mandate of restriction food companies right to advertise and market their product is a HUGE issue and one that gives government and the biggest of brothers a lot more control than it already has.

Just say no.

Tommy Z.
JR Cigars Blog With the Zman

Then there’s Obampity Bom Bom. After being sworn in as a junior senator in Illinois, he waited 143 days and then formed his presidential exploratory committee. Yes, after 143 days of major governmental experience, Barrack Obama is seeking the position hailed as the most important and powerful man in the world. He speaks well, doesn’t like to be affiliated with the Clinton camp, and I still have NO F’ing CLUE what he stands for other than change and hope and bla, bla, bla. Albeit a very short career, he is yet another career politician (crook, scoundrel… feh!)

But now the world awaits these two politicos choices for vice president. McCain is old and needs a younger, hip dude (yeah, like that exists in the Republican party), and Obama needs someone with a shit load of experience because bottom line: He ain’t got none. Now today, Obama says he’s picked his running mate but won’t reveal it yet. I go on record as saying if it’s Hilary Clinton, I would vote for a Styrofoam coffee cup instead. At least you can drink nice hot and tasty coffee from the cup. If these two back stabbers get together, all McCain has to do is run footage of them killing each other on different issues. The old prick won’t even have to campaign.

So is it Biden, Clinton, Kaine, or someone he pulls out of the woodwork? I think it’s time for the Zman to make a few  logical choices for the Jr. senatore’.

Oprah. Why not – she’s the Queen of everything so she may as well be second in command of the nation. I mean, chicks do whatever she says they should do so there’s half he votes right there. Plus Barrack and Michelle might have a little manage wow in the White House. Don’tchy’all be caught with a blue dress on now, ya hear?

Carrot Top. He’s bizarre, he’s funny, he’s uglier than all hell, and he’s now all buff and could kick anyone’s ass who gets near the prez. Plus who would EVER think of offing the president if Carrot Top would be taking over. Good point.

Jesus. Long hair and sandals might be a needed change in Washington and you’d have the first honest man in the White House. The only problem is that Obama already thinks he walks on water and this could be a conflict.

Sam the Butcher from the Brady Bunch. Sam was a rugged old dude and anybody who could tickle Alice’s loin of pork could certainly run things in Washington.

John Wayne. Sure the Duke is dead, but like that ever stopped anyone from running that position? Plus just his cardboard cutout alone could make a terrorist run for the sand dunes.

John Wayne Gacy. A serial killing clown – who’s gonna mess with that?

The Barbie Twins. Why not, they’ve got nothing better to do.

Phil McCrackin. Just find anyone with that name and it’ll garner votes.

You figure in a down economy, what the hell would cause a fast food joint’s numbers to rise 9%? They didn’t introduce a new menu item or reduce the fat intake. They certainly didn’t hire more English-speaking counter help to make life a tad easier for the gringo populous. And that frightening creature they use as an icon, the plastic-faced, scary as all hell Burger King guy is still their brand buddy. I heard his image alone has caused calamities across the country, including miscarriages, erectile dysfunction, and anal leakage – although I believe the latter was coupled with eating a Value Meal – probably the new “Anus Deluxe.”

One thing BK headquarters in Miami says they attribute to the success is the promotions they held, especially the one when the new Indiana Jones movie came out. And as an ex-advertising guy, I can tell you that well thought out and executed marketing promotions can make a huge impact on a firm’s bottom line. I must have told that to deaf ears a thousand times while I ran an agency for almost two decades – friggin dumb-ass, know it all d@ckheads.

Kind of amazing that jerky little action figures can make a kid want to eat one hunk of swill over another, but we know that its true. I remember vividly as a kid begging my parents to buy a breakfast cereal because there was some lame-o toy inside that looked so much better on the box than in person, and would break within two minutes of seeing daylight from its cardboard and oat dungeon. But I think BK marketers realized that the Indiana Jones thing appeals equally to adults – ones who begged for another Raiders of the Lost Ark flick. These mondo nerds were first in line, ordering kid’s meals and snapping up all the collectible swag. Star Wars figures have also done amazingly well in the past to boost food sales.

Choosing the right movie to partner with is a huge responsibility. Not only could the film be a flop – which has happened, stranding the burger houses with millions of unwanted fuzzy little creatures, but the pairing has to make sense. Take for instance there’s a reason Wendy’s didn’t partner with Ghandi. You wouldn’t see kiddies everywhere busting down the doors to snag a Ben Kingsley miniature – one that actually worships cows! You didn’t see McDonalds do a “No Country For Old Men” promo, now did you? Now that would be interesting to say the least. Little Anton Chigurh figures that you pour ketchup packets on for some cool in-store violence. And for a bit of real-life action drama, you might get Anton’s lucky coin in your bag, then ask the manager to choose heads or tails. That would f@#k ‘em up for a while.

Another reason attributed to the rising stock is the mandate BK put out that stores must stay open extended late-night hours. Franchise owners in higher crime urban areas have fought this and rightfully so. Nobody needs to work the 2am window and serve some drug-running, gold-toothed punk who will put a cap in your ass if the fries are cold. In fact, all of the fast food-chain owners have fought their corporate headquarters to eliminate the stupidity. Unless like banks they install bullet-proof glass, what fool is gonna risk his life for $6.50 an hour? Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, how many years will armed-robbery get us?

I think it would be a great publicity stunt and really drum up business if Ronald McDonald and the Burger Creep had an Ultimate Fighting cage match on Pay per view. Ronald would use those big floppy shoes as a deadly weapon and talk some serious burger smack, “I’m gonna cut you, you plastic-faced, scary-ass freak! Get ready for me to shove that Whooper up your ass and f@#k you up!”

Of course the Burger King Guy wouldn’t say anything – he’d just stare all evil and shit at the fire-haired, striped suited fruit cup. And that skanky ho Wendy could be the chick that holds up the cards between rounds. I’m not sure where White Castle fits in all of this, but you can tell that the marketing genius is still in me, yes indeed.

Our local A&P supermarket makes pizza – it’s not totally real pizzeria style, but it’s not half bad, either. But they charge .99¢ a slice, half of what the regular Italian places charge. And next to the counter there’s a bin with cans of .25¢ A&P brand soda. So, once a week when the kids want pizza I take them to the A&P. There’s a little seating area and we eat. The atmosphere sucks for sure, I mean we’re right near the front entrance where people give you a stare while you’re eating cheap pizza. But god damn…four slices and four sodies comes to five stinkin’ bucks! It would be $17 at the pizza joint (remember I’m in north Jersey right outside of Manhattan, so if you live in the midwest you’re used to buying garbage K-Mart pizza and paying $5.)

I have NEVER done this kind of thing in my life and it’s just downright bizarre for me. The other day I was at a Subway sandwich shop and a sign at the counter said if we fail to give you a receipt, your meal is free. Well I did everything I could to distract the pimple-faced high-schooler behind the counter – talking about the weather in China, asking about his classes this year, and trying to dismantle the register tape while I asked him to go back and put more mayo on the bread. I knew that yelling FIRE would probably work, and I don’t think they’d let me write the blog from a jail cell. I tried everything but the son of a bitch gave me my receipt as expected. Bastard.

What the freakin’ hell is wrong with me? I’m telling you that this is abnormal behavior to the max and I’m even weirding out friends and family. Since I work from a home office it’s always a bit of a reprieve to run out to the deli to grab a coffee or a sandwich. But now I’ve bought the janitor in the drum, sized can of java from Costco and I’ll get a pound of sliced, store-brand ham and eat the same friggin’ thing for days. And no more of that salad in a bag luxury item – back to buying a head of iceberg and getting a few salads out of it. Good God…Peas, porridge hot, peas, porridge cold…what the f@#k, is this the 15th century for crisskes?

Finally… if you have noticed, the price of gas has dropped a bit over the past few weeks. It cost me $10 less to fill the Jeep and that’s a relief. And I’m washing the truck by hand – no more car wash at $18 bucks for the deluxe where 35 Mexicans crawl inside and clean every goddamned square inch of your auto. Wow, what will I do with all that extra cash? I mean with the internet I don’t have to but nudie mags anymore, so that’s one good thing. Maybe I’ll start putting it in a pillowcase and hang it on a nail behind the headboard of my bed. Holy crap, do you believe the depression mentality?

The real problem is in the short term as everyone is adopting this mentality and places like car washes, landscapers, ice cream parlors are getting hurt big time. But people stopped driving as much as they were which put an ease on the consumption of oil and gas which has allowed the prices to come down. The people who are really getting whacked are in real estate. Some of the wealthiest people I knew were selling houses without trying five years ago. Now there are tons of great deals but nobody wants to bite with an unstable economy.

Well, we’ve gotta be cool and know it’ll turn around because it ALWAYS eventually does. Meanwhile my Costco brand coffee and ham sandwich awaits.

Peter Tatchell, a London-based gay rights activist says, "Until a decade ago, gay people were seen as a security threat, and as recently as two decades ago, they were being witch hunted and sacked from the security services. It was part of the Cold War mentality that saw security threats, traitors, and spies everywhere," he said. "Gay people were regarded as vulnerable to blackmail, even if they were open and out about their sexuality."

Ben Summerskill, chief executive officer of the gay rights group Stonewall, now includes “spy agency” in the gay job hunting guide that he publishes. To date the most popular job openings are waitress, salon manager, pool boy, and hussy. In the AOL news article I read this morning, it is quoted as stating: “Stonewall also is working with M15 to create a workplace environment that is supportive of gay people.” Now one has to wonder what that exactly means and what preferential treatment homosexual spies will receive? Handcuffs in neon colors? Greg Louganis ring tones on their cell phones? Leather-clad Fridays? Seems like M15 is bending over backwards to accommodate the new boys.

News reporters were outside the spy agency, speaking to potential recruits waiting on line, asking why they wanted to be a spy? “ I want to serve my fellow man,” said a giddy Dickie Bender of Brighton. “There are some very bad men out there and that thought excites me to no end.” Reginald Swallows of London has dreamed of this all his life. “Ever since I was a lad I would dress up in ladies clothing and get whatever I wanted. Now I not only get paid to practice what I love, I can expense the heels and handbag I just bought with no questions asked. This just could be the one job to really die for!” And Nigel Babcock of Cambridge summed it all up quite appropriately, “Look at me, I’m f@#king James Bond! Oooooga!”

Looks like a reality show could strike it big here, “Queer Eye for the Spy Guy.” Undercover agents literally go under the covers to extract whatever they can, all in the name of freedom and democracy. I’m sure A&E is all over this.

More from the AOL article: Garry Hindle, the head of security and counterintelligence at the Royal United Services Institute for Defense and Security Studies, said MI5’s inclusion in the gay and lesbian job guide is about inclusion, but it’s also about image. "They’re trying to portray themselves as an open, inclusive organization that’s working for the good of the community," Hindle said. But "it does need diverse members of society to be able to access the diverse members of society that they may have interest in."

To translate what Hindle said, is that there are a lot of poofters out there menacing the world and what not, and we need agents who are a tad light in the Birkenstocks who can infiltrate their most private of areas. We need people who love sticky situations and are willing to hang with the bad boys. At least that’s how I read it.

We certainly do live in interesting times.

Tommy Z.
JR Cigars Blog With the Zman

“What’s over?” I asked like the typical dum-bass dad.

“Suuuuuuuuumer! Summer vacation is all over!”

Ah jeez, emotion central, here at the Zarzecki home. Time to say something else stupid that only a father can say and piss off his kid even more. “Honey, that means school starts and you get to see all of your friends that you didn’t see this summer.”

“I HATE SCHOOL… SCHOOL SUCKS…Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

Well, she’s got me there. The end of summer vacation was the worst thing ever, for any kid who ever grew up anywhere. Those “Back to School” commercials pissed you off to no end, and the thought of pencils and books accompanied by the dirty looks was depressing beyond reproach. I told both my kids to suck the precious goodness from every last minute of their vacation because one day they’ll be listening to their own kids screaming the same stuff.

I think if you truly liked going back to school, there was either something severely wrong with you mentally, or you got a hard-on from the smell of chalk dust. If you were somewhat normal, you remember that day before going back – that nervous dagger in the pit of your gut – that sleepless night – that waking up three hours earlier than you had done all summer. Just writing this is making me sick. Talk about a neurological association.

Once you got settled in you were pretty much back in the groove, but months off from doing homework was certainly a god-given rite. And girls acclimate a bit faster because they LOVE shopping for new fall clothes and accessories and showing them off to their friends. Boys are just mini-men and couldn’t give a flying rat’s dumper. A few pairs of jeans and a half a dozen t-shirts with football logos or skulls on them ought to do it. God, the male species is so easy.

When you grow up (I’m still waiting) you realize how shitty this time of year is for teachers – no one wants to see you and half the kids despise your wretched soul. As a kid, you don’t have a clue that teaching is a person’s livelihood and how they feed their family. To you they are an evil authority figure, a depraved carnivore of children’s souls whose only purpose is to bound you to a chair while listening to inane drivel, topped by hours and hours of homework. Not until your later high school years does it sink in that teachers are people with feelings and families and favorite ball clubs they root for. And it’s truly amazing how we view the school principal as the Marquis de Sade – the commandant of your very own Stalag Hell. He or she was an entity that breathed fire and ate third graders for lunch. No living mortal would consciously choose to be a school principal – would they?

My dad was a high school composition teacher (creative writing) for many years, took his job seriously and made school more fun than the dreadful mathematic stiffs. At my ten-year HS reunion, one person after another told him they would have NEVER made it through college if he hadn’t been their teacher. It kind of sucks that a person has got to wait that long for some well deserved praise, but it’s only human nature. No 16 year-old is going to say, “Thank you for bombing me with this book report and mounds of homework when I have six other teachers doing the same thing.” And if you were wondering, yes, I had my dad as a teacher for three different semesters during high school. It was weird but interesting at the same time. Nobody ever really busted my balls about it, and friends actually thought it was cool. And yes, of course I got straight A’s…wtf do you think I’d get? Bwahahahahahahaaaa. Seriously, I finished in the top 20% of my class so I wasn’t a dunderhead by any means.

So it’s almost that time again and my stomach hurts from writing this gruesome memoir. I’m sure I brought back some garish and frightening flashbacks for you as well. The dreadful return of Back To School is once more. Excuse me while I go toss my cookies.

Enjoy today because it’s still summer – remember that,
Tommy Z.
JR Cigars Blog With the Zman