Damn, tommy. What the hell must it be like to hang around with you on a constant basis, I wonder?

I'm just fine if you show up when you say you're going to.

Geez Zman, take a fraggin chill pill (or three).

I know it pisses you off when these guys pull this crap, but there's no use in giving yourself a stroke when it's somebody else's fault.

But just to rile you up some more, how about the cable company tells you they'll be there sometime Thursday between 8:00 and 1:30, and they either show up at 4:15, or not at all.

Same thing goes for furniture deliveries. If you fart around in the morning, they'll come early and catch you in your skivvies or a bath towel. If you're ready for them bright and early, they won't show til 6:30 pm.

You can't win, so just know it's gonna happen and roll with it.

Bullsquat! I'm taking somebody down today so clear me a path, boys.

Well Z-man, I feel your pain. Except for my lawn care guy I've experienced the same type of treatment. These guys have us by the short hairs. If we could do the jobs ourselves we wouldn't be calling them and they know it! The last time I got a mattress delivered it arrived at 11:30 p.m.

LMLO! Yeah, that B.S. sucks. I don't get it either, ZMan. But Mrs. Cotty and I have a solution - we call like 5 guys, and whoever doesn't show up on time or doesn't return phone calls is fired, period. There are plenty of guys that ARE willing and able to show up when they say they will and do the job for a reasonable price.

It's a simple rule - respect me and my time if you want my money. End of discussion. A big huge * * * E F F Y O U * * * if you don't do what you say you will. And these service personnel that have to have a four hour window for a service call - they'd damned well better show up within their ungodly-huge window of time, or I'm gonna be on the phone rippin' Suzy-whoever a new one. LOL - once I told the woman at Cox Communications that she'd better have a guy out here within in the next 60 minutes or he could come out and pick up all their shit, which would be sitting on the doorstep in about 61 minutes.

Damn Zman, I'm sitting here LMAO because I've been through it too. I own my business and if i treated people like that, they'd go to the guy across the street. I dunno, maybe it's because I'm retired Army, but I believe that if you say I'm going to be somewhere at a certain time, you'd better damn well be there.

When I moved my location 2 years ago the first contractor said he'd be there on Mon. at 9am to start the build in. Well Mon. 9am comes and he doesn't show. I called another guy, gave him the blueprints and he started immediately. First guy shows up on Thurs. and the work is almost done. He throws a hissy fit about how busy he has been. Tough sh**, my business needed to be open and if he's that busy he doesn't need my money.

Rant on zman, rant on.

Right on, Lou. Last year I needed some dangerous dead trees taken down. Guy said Tuesday first thing. Wednesday morning I call his competitor and in two hours my job was done.

Friday the first dick shows up at noon and tells me he finally freed up. I told him to go play golf cuz he was obviously now free for the rest of the afternoon.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I have some rental property and after a lot of trial an error I have it narrowed down to a couple of contractors that I know when I call them they'll be there when they say they will. Screw the rest of them.

Around here, the absolute worst to deal with are the damned roofers. Sure, it's hard work. But, the peckerwoods charge up into the area of 3-4 thousand a day for a crew and labor.

A friend had slate shingles,and he went for years trying to find someone to do it, and when he finally found someone to accept the job, once the a-hole got started, he decided not to finish it, it was too hard.

I know a housing contractor/developer, and the guy says that nobody he works with has ever reached the low life potential of a roofer.

If you ever get a leak in your roof, take my advice.

It's a buyers market. Frigging MOVE!

Zman, today is BY FAR the most true of all of your rants. I've had the same experience a number of times. Now what I do is ask for an address of a residence so I can go look at the work if it's outside. I then ring the doorball and ask them about the contractor. Several times they have told me how bad the guy never showed and hit them for extras. It takes balls to do this, but it'll save you a lot of grief.

Briandg - roofing very hard work and is definitely the low end of the totem pole. I know two guys who were roofers and now in their 40's they both walk with a limp.

Hey Zman, I have grubs in my ass. Can you please send me the number of that lawn guy who does the chemical enemas?

I officially urinated in my pants. That is one funny as all hell story, Z. I knew a builder guy who stunk like whiskey early in the morning and he always claimed it was Scope.

I hope the guy could read his tape measures, cuz he sure as hell couldn't read his bottles.

I will promise you that, tommy, from experience. I've done it. Too damned many times. The problem really wasn't the work, so much, as the various really hard parts of it. dragging bundles of shingles up the ladder, peeling off old shingles, kneeling or bending to nail, it is way more demanding than anything else that I have done.

My current house has really steep roofs. I stripped 4 layers of work, replaced the decking, and re roofed the 4 car garage, about 4 hours at a time. Took over a month, man, and most days, I could barely walk when the morning came.

When it came to doing the two story house, I figure it would have been easier to give birth to a rhino than do that. I got a line on a great company, though, by talking to my homeowner's insurance people.

Simple solution to your problem, quit hiring local-yocals.

For any work around the house and with the vehicles I find reputable and reliable people. These people might cost a little more than others, but when I don't have to deal with the aggrivation you have, I am probably saving more money on antacids and booze.

What I cannot get out of my head now is the movie "The Money Pit" where I now picture Tom Hanks being played by zman. LOL

We've all been there Zman. It makes it seem unreal when someone actually lives up to their service business promise.

I think all of the local contractors in Zman's neck of the woods get together in the local gin mill at 7 AM and just laugh about how one or the other of them messed with his fat head this week. Then they decide who's going to make him go postal the next week.

I think you're onto something, Fiend.

Every guy that took ninth-grade woodshop thinks he's a handyman. The real handy part is not having any deadlines or bosses to worry about, but I think 9 out of 10 is a bit exaggerated.
If I showed up late to cater a wedding or didn't deliver the food at all, I'd be in court answering to Judge Judy, if someone didn't kill me first. You don't want to make a bride or her family angry! And if I don't show up on time to give them a bid to start with, I don't get the gig at all.

OK, 8.5 out of ten.

Or do I just manage to find every bumfuck in the state of NJ?

Garfiend - don't answer that.

Judge Judy - now THERE'S a piece of work! Talk about your hostile, embittered wimmins! She's got such a stick up her butt... My favorite is "I'M SPEAKING! I'M SPEAKING!" LOL - yeah, so what? Ya wanna freakin' medal, Judy???

That Cuban woman on Peoples Court is one SPICY MILF tho! What's her name?? She makes me laugh...

Takes a bumfuck to hire one. LOL

PJ, I think Zman is being conservative with 9 out of 10! lol!
Z, you're dead on today. These guys who build shit live in a differernt world. I like the idea of alling 5 guys and see who comes back on time. I saw a guy last weekend who promised me a price by Wednesday. It's now Friday and pouring rain and I know the schmuck isn't working.

Mount Pilot - now THAT was funny.

- CiC

"What I cannot get out of my head now is the movie "The Money Pit" where I now picture Tom Hanks being played by zman. LOL"

That damned movie gave me nightmares!!!!!!!

When a person gets a job as a handyman, self employed laborer, whatever the hell he is, it is frequently because he is unable, or unwilling to function as a regularly employed person. People who work in construction, on a professional basis, are required to keep a modicum of professionalism. Once you get into alterations, as opposed to initial construction, shit gets complicated.

It used to be that you really had men who really "worked" as handymen. Now, it is sort of like a gypsy thing. Take what you get, when you want to do it, and make sure your wife pays the bills. Very few of them seem to think about it as a "job" or a "responsibility."

The old time reliable "Handyman" is pretty much gone, just like the shade tree mechanic.

When you talk about toothless goobers, the first thing I think of is the toothless goobers that work at these traveling carnivals, Carnies.

The typical carnival has no one who's ever been within a hundred miles of a dentist, or even a toothbrush, for that matter. Among the whole lot of them, they'd be hard pressed to make up one complete mouthful of teeth.

I know I'm off the subject a little, but sometimes I have the attention span of a 10 year old, wired on candy, who's missed his Ritalin the entire last week.

To get around to a cogent point, I don't necessarily mind if people don't show up, IF, they have the courtesy to call you ahead of time and tell you they got hung up pulling an extra 4 rats out of the drain pipes at the last customer, or whatever. Even if it's a pile of horseshit, if they have the courtesy to call and say they'll be late, or reschedule, I can usually live with that. Because I know that people get busy, and jobs sometimes take longer than expected, but a little courtesy goes a long way in my book.

"sometimes I have the attention span of a 10 year old, wired on candy, who's missed his Ritalin the entire last week."

We've all noticed that, RL, but no one had the balls to bring it up.

"Very few of them seem to think about it as a "job" or a "responsibility."

Great friggin point.

Your attemps at humor are twisted and you need help from a mental perspective. Why you keep going with this continual bashing of PETA is beyond rational thinking. You ARE NOT funny and there is no wonder why contractors would treat you like the dirt. Stupid me for taking the bait, but enough is enough you vile prick.

Vile Prick? Now I know this is my wife.

Hi, Kitty! How you doing, sweetheart? I was just thinking about you today.

So, tell me, do you have lots of problems with worthless handymen, or is there some other reason that you read today's column?

"Why you keep going with this continual bashing of PETA is beyond rational thinking." Posted by Kitty Canine on May 16, 2008 at 7:09 PM

Hey BOTL -the resident "attack-bitch," who has intimations of being a
"rational thinker," is back!!!

Here, Kitty, Kitty - Perchance you would deign to grace OUR BLOG with a
response to what Newsweek Magazine had to say about your beloved PETA
in its April 28, 2008 article? And by the way, where have you been the last few blogs, dearest Troll?

***Fellow bloggers click on the Newsweek link below and see what Kitty/C
and her ilk at PETA are really all about.

ANIMAL RIGHTS
PETA and Euthanasia

"The PETA organization has practiced euthanasia for years. Since 1998 PETA has killed more than 17,000 animals, nearly 85 percent of all those it has rescued..."

http://www.newsweek.com/id/134549

Even among animal lovers, killing unwanted pets is a divisive issue.
By Jeneen Interlandi | Newsweek Web Exclusive Apr 28, 2008 | Updated: 12:43  p.m. ET Apr 28, 2008

Realizing that today's blog is about Professional Chain Yankers, I
think that the following still might apply because it concerns itself with
what the "Amateur Chain Yanker" Kitty Canine is so hot-to-trot about.

Went to the link the Korean Vet highlighted, and I came up with some
other interesting things about PETA that we never read in the papers
or hear about on television.

PETA's $30 million budget: "With the resources at their disposal, PETA and
the Humane Society of the U.S. could become no-kill in no time," says Nathan Winograd in his recent book "Redemption: The Myth of Pet Over- Overpopulation and the No Kill Revolution in America.

Winograd says, "Instead they have become leading killers of cats and dogs,
and the animal-loving public unwittingly foots the bill through taxes and
donations."

Even though, ironically, PETA has emerged as a strong proponent of euthanasia, in defense of its policy PETA has insisted that euthanasia
is a necessary evil in a world full of unwanted pets.

Keeping with th theme of this blog...

Once I called Peta to kill my neighbor's dog and they never showed up, so I gave some old Italian guy 20 bucks and a metal rake and he took care of it.

The trick is, you've go to call multiple vendors.

This is getting funnier by the day. Zman casts the bait and the whiney troll bitch grabs the worm - not that there's anything wrong with that. Hahahahaha...

Ahh, come on, guys, give the poor cat a break. She's got a thing that is very near and dear to her deepest emotions, and unfortunately, she ain't really well equipped with what it takes to deal with these feelings. Instead of being out trying to solve this unsolvable problem, she is here, trying to fix us unfixable people. Don Quixote isn't the only fool that fought imaginary giants, is he? Well, actually, we're more like windmills than giants, anyway.

At least she isn't naked, wrapped in plastic, sprawled on a white sheet of plywood in front of your local Kroger or throwing blood on people. (paint, actually, blood would kind of ruin the effect, wouldn't it?).

I really sympathize with her, as she has a burning need to change people, and that must be like trying to pass a turd the size of a manatee.

There are, however, two things I always wonder. Why, oh why, here? What in hell connected her to a board full of cigar smokers that is led by the town clown, our fearless leader, Tommy Zarzecki? Seriously, the guy's got a crudely funny, witty, loony, sort of lowbrow appeal, and he is still, a thinking man, but what in hell connected someone like kitty to this place? What is in her search engine history that would answer this?

I just can't accept that she is a long time admirer of Tommy's, or that she was just picking up a box of stogies and came here from the jr site. (if so, what in hell would she smoke? La aurora?)

The second thought I have, is does she even stay to read the follow up comments, or does she slide in here, see what Tommy says, and react? is that all there is to it, just a cycle of bait and bitch? Whoah.

Come on, let's make her feel welcome, every discussion needs someone like this.

Seriously, kitty, pita is a radical group of people who really stand alone against a huge and largely irrational world. Being irrational and aggressive here isn't a functional thing to do.

I'm thinking tonite maybe I should pop for a big juicy mesquite-broiled bone-in 16 oz. filet mignon... The thought of the smell of that sizzling steak, as the server places it in front of me, and then I cut into it and the juices begin to flow out of the perfect medium-rare flesh and I pop that first bite into my watering mouth... Yes, I can taste it now... That savory flavor of tender dry-aged beef... The feeling of the texture in mouth as I relish the tender meat... Oh yeah! (I'm drooling now...)

If God didn't intend us to eat animals, why did he make them out of MEAT??

Ron Bennington from Ron and Fez was talking about PETa the other day and he said the biggest problem with cows is that they are made of 100% steak.

And, Kitty is a gay male. I know I've got that pegged right. That's why Trogladyte used the Seinfeld line: Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I wouldn't count on the gay male. I've been keeping an eye on the poor thing, and as yet, I haven't actually seen it admit to being neither man nor woman, but I'm just getting the impression of it being a chick. Gay male/straight woman/gay woman, I'm gonna figure it as at least sort of a woman. At the very least, what the hell is something male calling itself "kitty" for?

Damn you guys and your meat. I got out steak yesterday, and it still isn't thawed. Best piece of meat I've had lately was a nice chunk of angus flank that I kinda undercooked. God, you gotta love the hell out of a hard seared slab of flank steak. The london broil at The Loft in Memphis was a once a year life event. Have a good weekend, tommy. Grill something, and don't you dare make it chicken or salmon burgers.

Early on he/she/it said his/hers/its sexual preference was not at question here. To me, that says this person dines from the opposite side of the buffet table.

Yup. Dead giveaway.

I heard that when Zman dines at the buffet table, he only eats sausages. LMAO!!!!!!

So then you think that Kitty would like me.

I am with you Tommy... so here is my story of crappy service and how I dealt with it...

Several years ago I called an HVAC company to look at my heatpump. They came and said they would be back the next day for a little more inspection and do the repair. Well it was mid-Summer (you know... one of those 90deg/90%humid days)and the wife was pissed. But she held her cool for one more day and rearranged her schedule to make sure she was there when they came back. (This involved rescheduling an OBGYN appointment. All of us "package" scratchers know that the female animal does not like to miss those appointments... God knows why?) Anyway the guy never shows and when I get home I meet the "woman scorned". So I call the company the next day, bitch them out and find another contractor.

A month later I get a bill from the first HVAC guys for a service call and a cancelled service call. No amount of Gold Bond is now going to heal my chapped ass.

So I figured out what my wife's time was worth (about $40 per hour) in waiting around for their sorry asses. I knew what my time was worth and added in a pain factor for my wife missing here bi-yearly date with the stirrups. The contractor's charge was $160. When I added my charges up it came to $400. So I BILLED him for mine and my wife's time and figure that he OWED me $240 for breech of contract. I mailed the bill to him and got a call two days later with him asking me "WTF". I told him this is "WTF" and if he can't run his business, it should cost him. After about 20 mins of arguing, he told me to tear up my bill and he would do the same. I said fine with me but left him with the "Word of Mouth is the Best Advertisement" lecture. I have cost him at least six jobs since that time. This is a medium sized town with several HVAC guys... a little bad press goes a long way. Don't think that I was the cause, but last I heard was that his business was in the crapper... my heart bleads.

That is absolutely beautiful, bro!

You get multiple thumbs up from us package scratchers everywhere!

Trooper, make sure you check in here more often. Great friggin story, my man, and glad to have you aboard the psycho train!

Will do Z... respect and enjoy your good work.. keep it up

BTW... I live in TN, where Goober and Gomer are patron saints... excuse me while I go light a candle

Amen, brother.

I just can't accept that she is a long time admirer of Tommy's, or that she was just picking up a box of stogies and came here from the jr site. (if so, what in hell would she smoke? La aurora?)
Posted by briandg

Wrong PETA breath! Obviously, she'd smoke.........either....



White Owls - (tastes like Whooping Crane)


or


perhaps more appropriately,

Diablos - suits her temperament.

BTW Tommy,

I was roaming around the JR site (they pay you to get us to do that, right?), when I noticed the following:

Z-GAR CIGARS
Handmade HON
Wrapper: H2000/MEX Binder: NIC Filler: HON/NIC
Medium Bodied

"Handmade in Santa Rosa de Copan, Honduras by master craftsmen, these firmly constructed, little cigars are made with a blend of Honduran and Nicaraguan long filler tobaccos. You can expect a smooth, effortless draw and the same smoking qualities found in cigars that are five times the size from this petite, 4.88 inch by 26 ring gauge masterpiece. Packed 25 to a box, and available in either a savory Habana 2000 wrapper or San Andrés Morron Maduro wrapper, these medium-bodied smokes may prove to be the finest little cigars you ever experienced!"

I didn't know Lew carried a cigar named after you. But at least it's appropriate that they're petite little 4.88x26, to remind us of you. LOL

Just kidding, pahds (short for pahdner). Let's all burn some cow, some cigars, and imbibe a few cold ones today.

I'd love to smoke and bbq today, but it's Sunday, May 18th and it's pouring rain and 54 degrees in northern NJ. I've already sent God an email that I want a refund for spring.

That's okay Z, I took care of it for you. (the smoking, drinking and grilling)