If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
Everybody loves FREE stuff. Free is good – free feels right, yes indeedy. Tell somebody they’ve won something free and they go bananas. Doesn’t matter if it’s a number two pencil, an oven mitt, or batteries for your vibrating egg, if it’s free, you feel like you’ve accomplished something special. And it really doesn’t have much to do with being a cheap person, because when it’s free it’s almost as if you’ve gotten one leg up on the man. You’ve claimed your own personal piece of “free” and the world suddenly seems right.
Today is an especially sweet day for those who relish in freebies. All across the U.S., McDonalds is giving away a free chicken sandwich. Their new country style chicken sandwich is on a biscuit and if you purchase a medium or large drink, it’s yours free! So of course, Polack boy here drops the kids off at the bus stop and heads straight for the local Mickey D’s. - you know, the one where even Charo speaks better English than these people. I don’t give a flying fark that I’m eating fried chicken for breakfast, it’s god damned free for crissakes – and didn’t you ever notice that “free” just tastes better? I got back to the house at 7:20 am and I’m slathering mayo on this thing, thinking, “Hey this ain’t half bad.” Of course an hour later my stomach is telling me a different story. Actually, it’s demanding to know, “Who the f@#k eats a fried chicken sandwich at 7:20 in the morning?” You might remember a few months back I had their free breakfast burrito and that thing did the Lambada in my colon for two days. McDonalds Corp. claimed that these promotions are a massive success as people buy ancillary stuff like drinks and other food items, as well as getting people to try an item they might never normally order. Smart marketing.
And holy crow, for today only, Dunkin Donuts is giving away free ice coffee! Another fast food bastion where the English language is a long forgotten commodity, Dunkin is gearing us up for the warm weather with some icey cold caffination, and at Lunchtime I will surely make the trek. And, if it looks like a different crew is on at McDonalds, I’ll be glomming chicken sandwich number two. Hey, come on…it’s free!
The places where my son Tommy and I are the absolute worst is at the food court in the mall or at Costco where they’re giving out free samples of food on toothpicks. The two of us will make complete dinners out of this ritual, as we’ll do a sweep of the entire area twenty times, gobbling down bourbon chicken, little hunks of steak sandwiches, Swedish meatballs, and hopefully somebody’s giving out little drink cups of something good to wash it all down. We really don’t care that we look like hogs from hell and no one EVER says we can’t have any more. Costco and BJ Warehouses are the worst as they have cooking stations where some $6 an hour senior citizen is chopping up squares of everything from lasagna, crab cakes, potato skins, or French toast sticks. It’s a venerable smorgasbord of frozen delights and my kid and I push people out of the way like we’re in the mosh pit at a Slayer concert as we jockey for early position in front of the microwave. Hey, these are fight or flight reflexes and my boy needs to learn how to fend for his own. But then he asks for a buck so he can get a Cherro. I’ll say something like, “With all this free crap, you gotta buy something?” He nods his head in agreement and then grabs for some granola covered thing instead. That’s my boy.
Remember when you were a kid and they put a free prize in cereal boxes? That was like the highlight of my week! How many times did you make mom buy some POS flakes of garbage just for a chance to tear open that box, hold it sideways, and shake those tasteless oats out of the way while fishing for that crappy whistle or mini yoyo where the string coiled up in a knot the first time you tried it? Order two years of Sports Illustrated and get a “free” rubber football with signatures of the New York Giants, hot stamped on the face for your viewing enjoyment. It’ll look just swell in the den. Get your car washed 99 times and the hundredth one is for FREE! YES! I’ll find excuses to wash my car, even in a fuggin blizzard just so I can have that free wash!
You should see me at the RTDA show (or whatever they call it these days.) Every cigar manufacturer in the galaxy is showing their wears in Vegas this year and if there’s a box cranked open for sampling, I just tell myself I’m in Costco and make the rounds. It is not beneath me to stick 300 gorgeous Camachos down my shirt and act like a non chalante douchebag, then head for straight the Altadis booth. Of all the free things in this world of ours, free cigars are certainly high on the list.
Hey, if I time things right, my family will enjoy three square meals of fried chicken sandwiches and ice coffee today. It’s all in the timing – and it’s all FREE. Need I say more?
Have a Free-ky Thurday,
Tommy Z.
JR Cigars Blog with the Zman
Land of the FREE and Home of the Depraved
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
JR Weekly Special: Back By Popular Demand -
The Herf Deluxe... HERF in a Box!
Valid thru Midnight, Wednesday, May 21, 2008, while supplies last.
http://www.jrcigars.com/index.cfm?page=weekly_specials
The HERF is back and better than ever!
This is a great new selection of TWENTY super-hefty, medium to full bodied handmade cigars from some of the most popular top-premium brands. Each cigar is between 4 ½ and 7 inches long and between a 48 and 54 ring gauge.
Here are the brands represented in every single box:
Bolivar Cofradia, Belinda, Belinda Black, Excalibur, Hoyo de Monterrey, Hoyo de Monterrey Dark Sumatra, JR Ultimate, El Rey del Mundo, Fonseca Cubano Limitada, Partagas, H. Upmann, Romeo y Julieta 1875, Royal Jamaica Gold and Onyx Reserve.
Individually the twenty cigars retail for $100.25 - an average of about 5 BUCKS each. This week you can get your hands on our Herf Deluxe for just $39.95 - a savings of over 60%. Take my word for it, this deal is as good as it gets. I'm not sure that even I, the World's Largest Cigar Dealer, could repurchase these cigars today for the same $39.95!
Herf in a Box Deluxe
MSRP: $100.25
Email Special Price: $39.95
To place an order, call 800 JR CIGAR (800-572-4427) or you can order on-line at http://www.jrcigars.com/ or just by clicking on one of the links above. We do not accept orders via email.
Please do not reply to this message. If you need assistance, please contact Customer Service at 888 JR HELP ME (888-574-3576) or by email at customerservice@jrcigars.com
Today is an especially sweet day for those who relish in freebies. All across the U.S., McDonalds is giving away a free chicken sandwich. Their new country style chicken sandwich is on a biscuit and if you purchase a medium or large drink, it’s yours free! So of course, Polack boy here drops the kids off at the bus stop and heads straight for the local Mickey D’s. - you know, the one where even Charo speaks better English than these people. I don’t give a flying fark that I’m eating fried chicken for breakfast, it’s god damned free for crissakes – and didn’t you ever notice that “free” just tastes better? I got back to the house at 7:20 am and I’m slathering mayo on this thing, thinking, “Hey this ain’t half bad.” Of course an hour later my stomach is telling me a different story. Actually, it’s demanding to know, “Who the f@#k eats a fried chicken sandwich at 7:20 in the morning?” You might remember a few months back I had their free breakfast burrito and that thing did the Lambada in my colon for two days. McDonalds Corp. claimed that these promotions are a massive success as people buy ancillary stuff like drinks and other food items, as well as getting people to try an item they might never normally order. Smart marketing.
And holy crow, for today only, Dunkin Donuts is giving away free ice coffee! Another fast food bastion where the English language is a long forgotten commodity, Dunkin is gearing us up for the warm weather with some icey cold caffination, and at Lunchtime I will surely make the trek. And, if it looks like a different crew is on at McDonalds, I’ll be glomming chicken sandwich number two. Hey, come on…it’s free!
The places where my son Tommy and I are the absolute worst is at the food court in the mall or at Costco where they’re giving out free samples of food on toothpicks. The two of us will make complete dinners out of this ritual, as we’ll do a sweep of the entire area twenty times, gobbling down bourbon chicken, little hunks of steak sandwiches, Swedish meatballs, and hopefully somebody’s giving out little drink cups of something good to wash it all down. We really don’t care that we look like hogs from hell and no one EVER says we can’t have any more. Costco and BJ Warehouses are the worst as they have cooking stations where some $6 an hour senior citizen is chopping up squares of everything from lasagna, crab cakes, potato skins, or French toast sticks. It’s a venerable smorgasbord of frozen delights and my kid and I push people out of the way like we’re in the mosh pit at a Slayer concert as we jockey for early position in front of the microwave. Hey, these are fight or flight reflexes and my boy needs to learn how to fend for his own. But then he asks for a buck so he can get a Cherro. I’ll say something like, “With all this free crap, you gotta buy something?” He nods his head in agreement and then grabs for some granola covered thing instead. That’s my boy.
Remember when you were a kid and they put a free prize in cereal boxes? That was like the highlight of my week! How many times did you make mom buy some POS flakes of garbage just for a chance to tear open that box, hold it sideways, and shake those tasteless oats out of the way while fishing for that crappy whistle or mini yoyo where the string coiled up in a knot the first time you tried it? Order two years of Sports Illustrated and get a “free” rubber football with signatures of the New York Giants, hot stamped on the face for your viewing enjoyment. It’ll look just swell in the den. Get your car washed 99 times and the hundredth one is for FREE! YES! I’ll find excuses to wash my car, even in a fuggin blizzard just so I can have that free wash!
You should see me at the RTDA show (or whatever they call it these days.) Every cigar manufacturer in the galaxy is showing their wears in Vegas this year and if there’s a box cranked open for sampling, I just tell myself I’m in Costco and make the rounds. It is not beneath me to stick 300 gorgeous Camachos down my shirt and act like a non chalante douchebag, then head for straight the Altadis booth. Of all the free things in this world of ours, free cigars are certainly high on the list.
Hey, if I time things right, my family will enjoy three square meals of fried chicken sandwiches and ice coffee today. It’s all in the timing – and it’s all FREE. Need I say more?
Have a Free-ky Thurday,
Tommy Z.
JR Cigars Blog with the Zman
Land of the FREE and Home of the Depraved
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
JR Weekly Special: Back By Popular Demand -
The Herf Deluxe... HERF in a Box!
Valid thru Midnight, Wednesday, May 21, 2008, while supplies last.
http://www.jrcigars.com/index.cfm?page=weekly_specials
The HERF is back and better than ever!
This is a great new selection of TWENTY super-hefty, medium to full bodied handmade cigars from some of the most popular top-premium brands. Each cigar is between 4 ½ and 7 inches long and between a 48 and 54 ring gauge.
Here are the brands represented in every single box:
Bolivar Cofradia, Belinda, Belinda Black, Excalibur, Hoyo de Monterrey, Hoyo de Monterrey Dark Sumatra, JR Ultimate, El Rey del Mundo, Fonseca Cubano Limitada, Partagas, H. Upmann, Romeo y Julieta 1875, Royal Jamaica Gold and Onyx Reserve.
Individually the twenty cigars retail for $100.25 - an average of about 5 BUCKS each. This week you can get your hands on our Herf Deluxe for just $39.95 - a savings of over 60%. Take my word for it, this deal is as good as it gets. I'm not sure that even I, the World's Largest Cigar Dealer, could repurchase these cigars today for the same $39.95!
Herf in a Box Deluxe
MSRP: $100.25
Email Special Price: $39.95
To place an order, call 800 JR CIGAR (800-572-4427) or you can order on-line at http://www.jrcigars.com/ or just by clicking on one of the links above. We do not accept orders via email.
Please do not reply to this message. If you need assistance, please contact Customer Service at 888 JR HELP ME (888-574-3576) or by email at customerservice@jrcigars.com
Posted by zman at 9:45 AM | Link | 21 comments
Subscription Options
You are not logged in, so your subscription status for this entry is unknown. You can login or register here.
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
IF IT'S FREE, I'LL TAKE THREE!!!!!
Posted by Garfiend on May 15, 2008 at 10:23 AM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
Yep....free cigars......
Got to admit, going into a store with those samples I'll leave full. I had a guy working for me awhile back that would set out, everyday at lunch, to all the stores in the area for those free lunches on a tooth pick. He wanted to see how many days he could eat for free (guess I didn't pay him enough) I lost track when he was somewhere around 50 something. The mcdonalds thing - I don't know, the lines drive me crazy.
Got to admit, going into a store with those samples I'll leave full. I had a guy working for me awhile back that would set out, everyday at lunch, to all the stores in the area for those free lunches on a tooth pick. He wanted to see how many days he could eat for free (guess I didn't pay him enough) I lost track when he was somewhere around 50 something. The mcdonalds thing - I don't know, the lines drive me crazy.
Posted by dodger_fan on May 15, 2008 at 10:24 AM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
And you called me cheap in the past. You are crazy to eat that crap. I forsee tomorrow's blog : "Zman's Atomic Dump".
Posted by robert on May 15, 2008 at 11:11 AM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
But it's FREE.
Posted by zman on May 15, 2008 at 11:12 AM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
First, you drop the kids off at the bus, head out for your free grease bomb of a mystery meat patty on a pasty white hockey puck, then go home to drop the kids off at the pool. what a morning.
Don't forget the sliders and Iron City beer for lunch, Tommy, I'd hate for you to ruin your shot at the title.
I'll go ahead and throw in the obligatory comment about free chopped up dead animal pieces being thrown to the grossest carnivores on the planet short of the botfly.
Why in hell can't sam's ever sample out things from that magnificent cheese case, instead of freaking taquitos, stir fried crab shells, and ground pig snouts tex-mex style? All that place is really good for here is their wine, their cheeses, and their beef. Can't afford any of it, so I guess their worthless.
How do they get so damned much of my money?????
Don't forget the sliders and Iron City beer for lunch, Tommy, I'd hate for you to ruin your shot at the title.
I'll go ahead and throw in the obligatory comment about free chopped up dead animal pieces being thrown to the grossest carnivores on the planet short of the botfly.
Why in hell can't sam's ever sample out things from that magnificent cheese case, instead of freaking taquitos, stir fried crab shells, and ground pig snouts tex-mex style? All that place is really good for here is their wine, their cheeses, and their beef. Can't afford any of it, so I guess their worthless.
How do they get so damned much of my money?????
Posted by Briandg on May 15, 2008 at 11:38 AM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
My insightful comments for the day:
1. There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
2. ZMan makes yet another error! Yesterday he proved he was at the root of the cause of Global Warming by saying incandescent lightbulbs were "all the rage" with the liberal tree-hugging "go green" Al GoreKnob loving Prius driving crowd. Today, ZMan calls it a "Cherro", when everybody knows it's a "churro".
Sheesh. The end of the world is near!!! There's no such thing as "free"!!! Soylent Green is people!!!!
1. There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
2. ZMan makes yet another error! Yesterday he proved he was at the root of the cause of Global Warming by saying incandescent lightbulbs were "all the rage" with the liberal tree-hugging "go green" Al GoreKnob loving Prius driving crowd. Today, ZMan calls it a "Cherro", when everybody knows it's a "churro".
Sheesh. The end of the world is near!!! There's no such thing as "free"!!! Soylent Green is people!!!!
Posted by cottygee on May 15, 2008 at 11:38 AM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
Not after you get the plumbing bill tomorrow!!! LOL
Posted by roadlizard7 on May 15, 2008 at 11:38 AM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
BTW, I was very disappointed that you couldn't make it to Houston last summer when the RTDA was here. I was hoping to glom some of those free cigars, and even better, maybe go to some of the great parties, where there's hot chicks and FREE stuff galore.
Posted by roadlizard7 on May 15, 2008 at 11:42 AM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
I like FREE.
Posted by zman on May 15, 2008 at 11:53 AM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
Soylent green has to have been the greatest invention since birth control, because even the most worthless piece of wasted skin has the intrinsic value of being able to fatten up the other meat donors who are waiting their turn. You can CHOOSE who goes to cracker barrel for breakfast. How the hell do you get that job?!
"Will everyone who wants to 'GO GREEN,' please form a line at the door, and proceed in an orderly fashion to the carnival slide?"
"There you go, Al, we've reserved you a place at the front, being as you're the leader of the pack."
"Will everyone who wants to 'GO GREEN,' please form a line at the door, and proceed in an orderly fashion to the carnival slide?"
"There you go, Al, we've reserved you a place at the front, being as you're the leader of the pack."
Posted by briandg on May 15, 2008 at 12:06 PM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
Ah free cigars. I have this deal with my local cigar shop. The guy who owns it is a friend of mine and he always gives me a call when a sales rep is due in. I stop by and buy one of the reps cigars and he usually gives me 3 or 4 FREE cigars. The free ones always smoke better.
Now, if I could only get the same deal on scotch with my local watering hole........
Now, if I could only get the same deal on scotch with my local watering hole........
Posted by lgiamo on May 15, 2008 at 12:17 PM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
Yeah Free cigars
Posted by dodger_fan on May 15, 2008 at 12:28 PM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
Free is good.
Posted by Zman on May 15, 2008 at 12:40 PM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
I had the McD's sammich today and it wasn't bad.
And I still tilt the box of cereal looking for a prize even though I know there's nothing in there. Many years of conditioning.
Fun blog today, Z
And I still tilt the box of cereal looking for a prize even though I know there's nothing in there. Many years of conditioning.
Fun blog today, Z
Posted by V-Twin Vern on May 15, 2008 at 1:29 PM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
And I still tilt the box of cereal looking for a prize even though I know there's nothing in there.
Posted by V-Twin Vern
I know what you mean, kinda like waiting for free cigars
Posted by V-Twin Vern
I know what you mean, kinda like waiting for free cigars
Posted by dodger_fan on May 15, 2008 at 1:47 PM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
I was just telling my son about the freebies inside the cereal boxes last night. He looked bummed that they don't do it anymore.
Free food! Nice score Brother Z.
Free food! Nice score Brother Z.
Posted by Darren in Detroit on May 15, 2008 at 2:43 PM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
After 10:30 AM, they are serving the Southern Style Chicken Sandwich free instead of the Chicken biscuit, which I guess was only for breakfast.
Just had one for lunch. They are trying to copy Chik-fil-a with it. They serve it plain, except for pickles. Unfortunately, they don't butter the bun like Chik-fil-a, but it's okay. Personally, I order it without the pickles, because that's all you can taste if you get them on there.
I got a regular fries and a medium drink. It cost me $2.79, but that's still better than paying for the sandwich too.
Free food. It's not just for breakfast anymore.
Just had one for lunch. They are trying to copy Chik-fil-a with it. They serve it plain, except for pickles. Unfortunately, they don't butter the bun like Chik-fil-a, but it's okay. Personally, I order it without the pickles, because that's all you can taste if you get them on there.
I got a regular fries and a medium drink. It cost me $2.79, but that's still better than paying for the sandwich too.
Free food. It's not just for breakfast anymore.
Posted by roadlizard7 on May 15, 2008 at 2:59 PM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
Free is right.
Posted by zman on May 15, 2008 at 3:07 PM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
Zman if you're at RTDA thid year it would be great to meet you.
Posted by Benito on May 15, 2008 at 4:50 PM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
In high school I used to roll through the Saturday Afternoon Sample Sections at the Grocery Store, under the influence, just eating and having the time of my life not thinking they would recognize me when I came through for a dozen bagel bites.
You forgot to mention Cracker Jacks - A FREE toy in every box!
You forgot to mention Cracker Jacks - A FREE toy in every box!
Posted by GFunk on May 15, 2008 at 6:27 PM
Re: If It’s FREE, It’s For Me!
Yeah, and actually getting free cigars
Posted by dodger_fan on May 16, 2008 at 8:31 AM
Commenting has been disabled for this entry.