Why Can’t…
There are certain things that perplex the mind and we ask ourselves for the answer, but to no avail. Sometimes my cerebellum runs amuck as I search for the truth but come up with diddly squat. So, I present the infantile queries of my brain for you to ponder as well. I’m sure everyone has a few of their own to share with the group.
Why can’t broccoli taste like a White Castle Slider?
I’ve been asking this since I’m like five years old but no genius out there can come up with the solution. Good God, the world would be so friggin healthy it would be stupid. And while we’re at it, let’s get brussels sprouts to taste like fries. Right now it’s the only food I know that actually tastes like a fart.
Why Can’t the Hildebeast and Obama-rama stop killing each other publically?
It’s beyond all reason that these two numbskulls can’t focus on the issues as their bulbous egos jockey for the top spot of the Democratic Party. After the Bush debacle, liberals should take the 2008 election in landslide proportions, but guess what?…that ain’t gonna happen. They’ve given their opponent enough fodder and ammo to take them down, and quite easily I might add. With Obama’s fun-loving minister coming to the forefront and his experience before becoming a senator being that of a cubscout master, this smooth talking beacon of hope’s light is barely flickering. Hilde’s Pennsylvania triumph became the giant floating turd in Barrack’s party-time pool. I don’t give a rat’s blower who black’s, women, or the Hollyweird faithful pulls the lever for – these chuckleheads have both become unelectable. Did I piss you off? Oooops...Sorry.
Why can’t Lucky Charms cereal just be all marshmallows?
Another age old, childhood question that has plagued me for decades. Everyone knows the oats taste like rabbit pellets and I’m the one who turns the box on its side, pilfering all of those yellow moons, pink hearts, orange stars, and green clovers. That’s right, they’re magically delicious and I’m a marshmallow whore so go get your own f@#king box.
Why can’t we stop being infatuated with the characters on the Sopranos and realize that they are all sociopathic, scumbag hoodlums?
America’s love affair ran nine long years as our Sunday’s were dedicated to wondering “who’s gonna get wacked tonight?” The merciless beatings, curbings, bludgeonings, and flow of blood turned good-hearted, decent, and loving people like you and I into ruthless, dirtbags, rooting for Tony to skate past the Feds week in and week out. What the hell is wrong with us? The New Jersey and New York crime families on the show were devoid of all morals and values and would turn on their own in an instant to get one step ahead. In the episode during the final season where the car flips and Tony covers his nephew Christopher’s air passage and kills him off, I realized at that moment how evil and selfish Tony Soprano really was. Like many viewers I gasped in horror and disgust at what took place and had only one question left on my mind, “Can’t we have just one more season…please?”
Why can’t the government finally just admit that cigar smoking is good for you?
90% of the low-life politico dirtloads smoke fine cigars and they damned well know what the simple act of drawing on a fine puro does for the mind, body, and soul. Cigar smoking relaxes us when we need it most and brings us to a much-needed place of tranquility. Senators, congressmen and legislators alike often seek refuge with a cigar and libation of choice, but the problem is that they are politicians and lifetime politicians lie, cheat, and speak out of their ass instead of the place they rest their cigar. Since smoking has been deemed evil by the fundamentalist, politically correct, sabre wielding smoke Nazis, the politicos must put aside their love of the leaf in favor of garnering votes. Hypocrisy in big government?…..NOOOOO!
Why can’t Oprah Winfrey stop her torrid attempt at world domination?
What the hell lady, enough already. People call Donald Trump a massive egotist because he brands everything under his name, but Oprah does no different. The queen of the earth now even has a department store in Chicago named after her. How in the name of God did Harpo get so damned powerful? She’s not attractive, she can’t sing, act, juggle on a unicycle or spin plates on sticks. If she mentions your book or website you’re an overnight millionaire and when she dissed the beef industry a few years ago people started eating salad (all except for her.) She made Dr. Phil of Shit and Rachael Bobblehead Ray household names and for that we should all be pissed. I’m the typical guy who doesn’t get it and never will.
Damned my brain hurts and that’s enough for today. You got a “Why Can’t” for the group?
It's good to be back the the U.S. of A.,
Tommy Z.
JR Cigar Blog With the Zman
Why can’t broccoli taste like a White Castle Slider?
I’ve been asking this since I’m like five years old but no genius out there can come up with the solution. Good God, the world would be so friggin healthy it would be stupid. And while we’re at it, let’s get brussels sprouts to taste like fries. Right now it’s the only food I know that actually tastes like a fart.
Why Can’t the Hildebeast and Obama-rama stop killing each other publically?
It’s beyond all reason that these two numbskulls can’t focus on the issues as their bulbous egos jockey for the top spot of the Democratic Party. After the Bush debacle, liberals should take the 2008 election in landslide proportions, but guess what?…that ain’t gonna happen. They’ve given their opponent enough fodder and ammo to take them down, and quite easily I might add. With Obama’s fun-loving minister coming to the forefront and his experience before becoming a senator being that of a cubscout master, this smooth talking beacon of hope’s light is barely flickering. Hilde’s Pennsylvania triumph became the giant floating turd in Barrack’s party-time pool. I don’t give a rat’s blower who black’s, women, or the Hollyweird faithful pulls the lever for – these chuckleheads have both become unelectable. Did I piss you off? Oooops...Sorry.
Why can’t Lucky Charms cereal just be all marshmallows?
Another age old, childhood question that has plagued me for decades. Everyone knows the oats taste like rabbit pellets and I’m the one who turns the box on its side, pilfering all of those yellow moons, pink hearts, orange stars, and green clovers. That’s right, they’re magically delicious and I’m a marshmallow whore so go get your own f@#king box.
Why can’t we stop being infatuated with the characters on the Sopranos and realize that they are all sociopathic, scumbag hoodlums?
America’s love affair ran nine long years as our Sunday’s were dedicated to wondering “who’s gonna get wacked tonight?” The merciless beatings, curbings, bludgeonings, and flow of blood turned good-hearted, decent, and loving people like you and I into ruthless, dirtbags, rooting for Tony to skate past the Feds week in and week out. What the hell is wrong with us? The New Jersey and New York crime families on the show were devoid of all morals and values and would turn on their own in an instant to get one step ahead. In the episode during the final season where the car flips and Tony covers his nephew Christopher’s air passage and kills him off, I realized at that moment how evil and selfish Tony Soprano really was. Like many viewers I gasped in horror and disgust at what took place and had only one question left on my mind, “Can’t we have just one more season…please?”
Why can’t the government finally just admit that cigar smoking is good for you?
90% of the low-life politico dirtloads smoke fine cigars and they damned well know what the simple act of drawing on a fine puro does for the mind, body, and soul. Cigar smoking relaxes us when we need it most and brings us to a much-needed place of tranquility. Senators, congressmen and legislators alike often seek refuge with a cigar and libation of choice, but the problem is that they are politicians and lifetime politicians lie, cheat, and speak out of their ass instead of the place they rest their cigar. Since smoking has been deemed evil by the fundamentalist, politically correct, sabre wielding smoke Nazis, the politicos must put aside their love of the leaf in favor of garnering votes. Hypocrisy in big government?…..NOOOOO!
Why can’t Oprah Winfrey stop her torrid attempt at world domination?
What the hell lady, enough already. People call Donald Trump a massive egotist because he brands everything under his name, but Oprah does no different. The queen of the earth now even has a department store in Chicago named after her. How in the name of God did Harpo get so damned powerful? She’s not attractive, she can’t sing, act, juggle on a unicycle or spin plates on sticks. If she mentions your book or website you’re an overnight millionaire and when she dissed the beef industry a few years ago people started eating salad (all except for her.) She made Dr. Phil of Shit and Rachael Bobblehead Ray household names and for that we should all be pissed. I’m the typical guy who doesn’t get it and never will.
Damned my brain hurts and that’s enough for today. You got a “Why Can’t” for the group?
It's good to be back the the U.S. of A.,
Tommy Z.
JR Cigar Blog With the Zman
Posted by zman at 12:11 PM | Link | 37 comments
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Re: Why Can’t…
Why can't good single malt scotch be cheaper?
Why can't we stop this ridiculous Cuban embargo crap and let us have our Cubans (even though most are way overpriced and not as good as some of the finest Dominicans, Hondurans, and Nicaraguans)?
Why can't global warming be a good thing? Then Zman could smoke outside in the winter, without whining about it.
Why can't we get over the Sopranos, and just be glad we still have Boston Legal, Mad Cow and all?
Why can't reality TV cease to exist in any form?
Just a few to ponder.
Why can't we stop this ridiculous Cuban embargo crap and let us have our Cubans (even though most are way overpriced and not as good as some of the finest Dominicans, Hondurans, and Nicaraguans)?
Why can't global warming be a good thing? Then Zman could smoke outside in the winter, without whining about it.
Why can't we get over the Sopranos, and just be glad we still have Boston Legal, Mad Cow and all?
Why can't reality TV cease to exist in any form?
Just a few to ponder.
Posted by roadlizard7 on April 28, 2008 at 12:27 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Why can't the friggin' New York Rangers win a game against the Penguins?
Posted by Garfiend on April 28, 2008 at 12:39 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
My questions -
A) How does Zman know what a fart tastes like?
B) I missed that episode, why did Tony suffocate his nephew?
C) Why do they call a place where you drive your car a parkway, and a place where you park your car a driveway?
D) Why do women have to wear tops in public?
That's all I can think of right now....
A) How does Zman know what a fart tastes like?
B) I missed that episode, why did Tony suffocate his nephew?
C) Why do they call a place where you drive your car a parkway, and a place where you park your car a driveway?
D) Why do women have to wear tops in public?
That's all I can think of right now....
Posted by dodger_fan on April 28, 2008 at 12:46 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Why can't more people recognize that what they need to believe, and want to believe, can still be wrong, no matter how much "proof" they can find to support their personal thoughts?
Why can't more people recognize that the "brave new world" is here, and that much of the old world knowledge, and the conventional wisdom of the ages, is just totally inadequate to understand the future, and what the present needs?
Why do people have to learn the hard way?
Why can't more people recognize that the "brave new world" is here, and that much of the old world knowledge, and the conventional wisdom of the ages, is just totally inadequate to understand the future, and what the present needs?
Why do people have to learn the hard way?
Posted by briandg on April 28, 2008 at 12:51 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Dodger, corporate policy dictates that you'll need to reposition your questions as
"Why Can't" in order for management to address your queries.
Good day to you, sir.
"Why Can't" in order for management to address your queries.
Good day to you, sir.
Posted by zman on April 28, 2008 at 12:51 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Well excuuuuuuuuse me!
A) Why can't Zman keep the fact that he knows what a fart tastes like secret?
B) Why can't someone tell me why Tony suffocated his nephew?
C) Why can't they call a place where you drive your car a driveway, and a place where you park your car a Parkway?
D) Why can't women go topless in public?
Geez, Brian, did you have to get so heavy?
A) Why can't Zman keep the fact that he knows what a fart tastes like secret?
B) Why can't someone tell me why Tony suffocated his nephew?
C) Why can't they call a place where you drive your car a driveway, and a place where you park your car a Parkway?
D) Why can't women go topless in public?
Geez, Brian, did you have to get so heavy?
Posted by dodger_fan on April 28, 2008 at 12:56 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Why can't Zman stick his corporate policy where the sun don't shine? LOL
Posted by roadlizard7 on April 28, 2008 at 12:57 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Roadlizard7
cuz he was trying to get out of answering the fart question LOL
cuz he was trying to get out of answering the fart question LOL
Posted by dodger_fan on April 28, 2008 at 1:00 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Goddam mutha humpin' lousy no-good ratfink bastid-deluxe!!!! Why'd you go an' ruin the Sopranos for me??? I've *HAPPILY* made it through the 1st four seasons without any j-wad spoilin' anything about the series to me, and now you gotta go an' tell me Tony does something unspeakable to his beloved nephew Christopher??? Man, somebody needs to give you a genuine Jersey-style curbing for THAT one, you bonehead maroon!
Seriously, watching the however-many episodes of the Sopranos that I've watched through the 1st 4 seasons on DVD, I noticed that after a 3-4-5 hour viewing marathon, I'd be depressed. This happened consistently, tho I couldn't stop watching! The Sopranos is a downer - a real bummer - no matter how you slice it.
But I found a solution to the problem of being bummed after watching some Sopranos episodes. And it's kinda funny - reminds me of my days experimenting with chemicals... Coming down off of one, you could use a different one to "ease" the landing, so to speak. Well, there's a similar "hangover cure" for the depression that sets in after watching Tony murder his bestest friend or devastate some loser who gets in over his head. The cure is to watch an episode of Star Trek. My current "Star Trek" flavor of choice is "Voyager". Captain Janeway, Chakote and Tuvok (not to mention that über-hot Seven-of-Nine and her lovely spandex-wearing self) are the absolute ultimate in hope-for-humanity and goodness in the universe that ever existed.
Anyhow... Good to have you back to your typical inane drivel Zman. I was tired of being green with frickin' envy reading last week's blog entries!
Seriously, watching the however-many episodes of the Sopranos that I've watched through the 1st 4 seasons on DVD, I noticed that after a 3-4-5 hour viewing marathon, I'd be depressed. This happened consistently, tho I couldn't stop watching! The Sopranos is a downer - a real bummer - no matter how you slice it.
But I found a solution to the problem of being bummed after watching some Sopranos episodes. And it's kinda funny - reminds me of my days experimenting with chemicals... Coming down off of one, you could use a different one to "ease" the landing, so to speak. Well, there's a similar "hangover cure" for the depression that sets in after watching Tony murder his bestest friend or devastate some loser who gets in over his head. The cure is to watch an episode of Star Trek. My current "Star Trek" flavor of choice is "Voyager". Captain Janeway, Chakote and Tuvok (not to mention that über-hot Seven-of-Nine and her lovely spandex-wearing self) are the absolute ultimate in hope-for-humanity and goodness in the universe that ever existed.
Anyhow... Good to have you back to your typical inane drivel Zman. I was tired of being green with frickin' envy reading last week's blog entries!
Posted by cottygee on April 28, 2008 at 1:01 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Tony suffocated Christopher after they were run off the road while his nephew was driving. Tony got out of the wreck, went to the drivers side and was getting set to dial 911 when Christopher started saying that he was high and would never pass a drug test when the cops got there. He was pretty badly hurt, barely able to move or breathe. At that point, Tony seemed to realize that Chris was never going to stay clean and always be a problem for him and his crew. So instead of calling for help, Tony leaned in and pinched Christophers nose shut until he suffocated. At that point, I lost any empathy I may have had for Tony's character, and from what I ahve read, so did James Gandofini. Tony was just pure evil when he killed Chris.
Also, The Simpsons did a dead on take off on this scene in an episode a couple of weeks ago. With Granpa driving Homer and after the wreck telling him that he was so hurt, he'd probably have to come live with the Simpsons and be a burden to them for the rest of his life. So Homer pinched his nose shut,. just like Tony did to Christopher. It was Patty and Selma who ran them off the road, not Heidi and Kennedy.
Sorry if I spoiled anything for you, Cooter.
Also, The Simpsons did a dead on take off on this scene in an episode a couple of weeks ago. With Granpa driving Homer and after the wreck telling him that he was so hurt, he'd probably have to come live with the Simpsons and be a burden to them for the rest of his life. So Homer pinched his nose shut,. just like Tony did to Christopher. It was Patty and Selma who ran them off the road, not Heidi and Kennedy.
Sorry if I spoiled anything for you, Cooter.
Posted by Garfiend on April 28, 2008 at 1:22 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Why can't Tony Soprano pinch Hillary's pie hole shut for good?
Posted by Cigar Bomber on April 28, 2008 at 1:30 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Jeez, sorry for the spoiler, Cotty.
Fiend, I also think Tony realized that Chris was serious about staying off drugs and alcohol which meant he couldn't hang with the boys. Tony definitely had concerns about Chris's allegiance.
Fiend, I also think Tony realized that Chris was serious about staying off drugs and alcohol which meant he couldn't hang with the boys. Tony definitely had concerns about Chris's allegiance.
Posted by zman on April 28, 2008 at 1:35 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
So either way, Chris was screwed, Zman? Good point.As a druggie, unreliable and could compromise the crew. Straight, can't stay in contact with the boys as much as he needed to. It's a hard knock life being in Cosa Nostra.
Posted by Garfiend on April 28, 2008 at 1:41 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Zman, I'm a life long liberal and I agree completely with your summation on Hillary and Obama. This election should have been the biggest one-sided victory in American history and I too believe that these idiots have shot each other in both feet. What a shame they were both so blind to see the effects of their childish idiocy.
CONYO!
CONYO!
Posted by Benito on April 28, 2008 at 1:47 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Way too much to ponder for one day...
I could write an essay on each question, but the political ones always get me in trouble. Barrack and Hillary have been foolish. The thought of another 80-year-old white guy making all the decisions doesn't appeal to me either.
I would like to say that Dr. Phil just got lucky. There's another therapist hiding behind every bush. I tried it once and it worked because I quickly realized that the therapist was sicker than I was. I felt better.
Racheal Ray thinks adding ketchup to mac & cheese is somehow culinary genius. Being a Chef myself, I think she's a joke. She has a nice rack though...
Good fodder today.
Thanks!
I could write an essay on each question, but the political ones always get me in trouble. Barrack and Hillary have been foolish. The thought of another 80-year-old white guy making all the decisions doesn't appeal to me either.
I would like to say that Dr. Phil just got lucky. There's another therapist hiding behind every bush. I tried it once and it worked because I quickly realized that the therapist was sicker than I was. I felt better.
Racheal Ray thinks adding ketchup to mac & cheese is somehow culinary genius. Being a Chef myself, I think she's a joke. She has a nice rack though...
Good fodder today.
Thanks!
Posted by pjandma on April 28, 2008 at 2:02 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Two good points pj, most therapist are extremely sick, and say what you want about Racheal, she IS easy on the eyes.
Posted by dodger_fan on April 28, 2008 at 2:06 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Oh my God, Dodger, You unknowingly just ignited the Garfiend powder keg. Here's comes the Rachael Ray tirade...
Posted by zman on April 28, 2008 at 2:12 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Pjandman - I think you just can't get over the fact that I dedicated an entire blog to you!
Posted by zman on April 28, 2008 at 2:13 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Why can't I get over my jealousy that Zman dedicated an entire blog to pjandma?
Posted by roadlizard7 on April 28, 2008 at 2:26 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Everyone likes to be validated. I will do my best to keep my ego in check. I'm beginning to like you guys!
Humbly yours...
Humbly yours...
Posted by pjandma on April 28, 2008 at 2:36 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Zman, why can't you just accept the fact that oprah is America's Princess Dianna?
Posted by Rex on April 28, 2008 at 2:43 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
I figure you have to be wrong about the fiend, Zman. After all, Rachael is so sweet and innocent looking, who wouldn't want to go out and destroy all that sweetness and innocence? Especially since she's so hot looking!
Posted by dodger_fan on April 28, 2008 at 3:06 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
On politics, this is from a friend of mine Down Under:
We in Australia can't understand the problems you are having in choosing the next president.
On one side you have a bitch whose a lawyer and is married to a lawyer or a lawyer whose married to a bitch who is a lawyer.
On the other side you have a war hero married to a hot blond with big tits and who owns a beer distributor.
What's the problem?
We in Australia can't understand the problems you are having in choosing the next president.
On one side you have a bitch whose a lawyer and is married to a lawyer or a lawyer whose married to a bitch who is a lawyer.
On the other side you have a war hero married to a hot blond with big tits and who owns a beer distributor.
What's the problem?
Posted by lgiamo on April 28, 2008 at 3:10 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Lou, now THAT's what I call clarity.
Posted by zman on April 28, 2008 at 3:10 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Thanks, lgiamo, I had pretty much ruled the democrats out - the choice there was a nut with 2 boobs, or a boob with 2 nuts, but you simplified it even further!
Posted by dodger_fan on April 28, 2008 at 3:12 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Oprah said to the American people "let them eat cake", and we said "off with her head".
Posted by roadlizard7 on April 28, 2008 at 4:17 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
1. Why can't premium cigars like San Cristobals cost $4.00 for five cigars, and Phillies (any size or shape) cost megabucks?
2. Why do I have to go to work everyday and pay for millions of folks who do not work?
3. Why do ALL politicians think we are idiots?
4. Why do we fear our government when our government should fear us?
5. Why do you think someday there will be another revolution? (hint, see #3 and #4 above)
6. Why am I so negative? Because I have not had a stoogie yet today!
2. Why do I have to go to work everyday and pay for millions of folks who do not work?
3. Why do ALL politicians think we are idiots?
4. Why do we fear our government when our government should fear us?
5. Why do you think someday there will be another revolution? (hint, see #3 and #4 above)
6. Why am I so negative? Because I have not had a stoogie yet today!
Posted by Sean's Pop Pop on April 28, 2008 at 4:36 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Oprah has created the illusion that she has something to offer which makes people, especially women, feel better about themselves. Americans are so miserable and scared, they buy into the lie that they need more than they already have. I don't watch the show, I've just heard about it. LOL
I'm grateful I don't have to go on TV and show the world my defects to find a solution. I can do it here, offering my own comments and opinions, getting wisdom and encouragement in return.
I'm grateful I don't have to go on TV and show the world my defects to find a solution. I can do it here, offering my own comments and opinions, getting wisdom and encouragement in return.
Posted by pjandma on April 28, 2008 at 7:17 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Good to have you here, Pop Pop.
Posted by zman on April 28, 2008 at 7:26 PM
Re: Why Can’t…
Just smoked a Maria Mancini Palma Delgado with the Habana 2000 wrapper. Best cigar for the price, but I'm up for suggestions.
Posted by pjandma on April 29, 2008 at 2:14 AM
Re: Why Can’t…
Tremendous cigar for the price.
Posted by zman on April 29, 2008 at 6:47 AM
Re: Why Can’t…
Rachael Ray is a fraud who is in no way whatsoever good looking or a good cook. She's a hunch backed, no necked,titless, Joker faced, arm flailing, screeching fraud who is married to a pervert. And what passes for cooking from her usually looks like it dropped out of someone's colon.
Posted by Garfiend on April 29, 2008 at 8:08 AM
Re: Why Can’t…
C'mon, fiend, don't hold back, tell me how you really feel about the most gorgeous babe on the cooking ciruit.
I know what you said above is jealousy.
I know what you said above is jealousy.
Posted by dodger_fan on April 29, 2008 at 8:40 AM
Re: Why Can’t…
That skank is gorgeous like Zman is handsome! LMAO!!!!
Posted by Garfiend on April 29, 2008 at 9:12 AM
Re: Why Can’t…
Oh! And Zman is on the ropes, looking disoriented, the Ref is considering a standing 8 count, this could be it folks!
Posted by dodger_fan on April 29, 2008 at 9:15 AM
Re: Why Can’t…
My wife is also married to a pervert. Big woop.
Posted by zman on April 29, 2008 at 10:04 AM
Re: Why Can’t…
The Oprah thing has me completely bamboozeled.
Posted by V-Twin Vern on April 29, 2008 at 2:36 PM
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